Re: [MOL] To Molers - "smoke signals" [00579] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] To Molers - "smoke signals"



Have a lovely holiday and new year, Chrissiecake!
Love, your friend,
martha
----- Original Message -----
From: <CCR417@aol.com>
To: <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
Sent: Sunday, December 17, 2000 3:14 PM
Subject: [MOL] To Molers - "smoke signals"


> Well, the Lord must have seen all your smoke signals once again!!!!
Here's
> how it goes...
>
> My father was angry all day yesterday - yelling at nurses and us.  He was
> furious with his wife that she and the doctor put him in the hospital
because
> the doctor suspected pneumonia.  Last night he told the family that he
wants
> to die now.  That he's worse off than he was 2 years ago.  That he's so
weak
> "I can't stand on my own two leg."  He said he knew he was sick 2-3 weeks
> already (so did we).  I asked him outright, "Dad, you knew you were very
sick
> and you weren't going to go to the hosp.  You wanted to stay home and just
> die there, didn't you?"  He said, "Yes, a peaceful death..." He said that
> it's in God's hands now.  I told him, "Dad, I understand how you feel with
as
> sick as you are.  And I don't know if God is calling or not, but I DO know
> this - if you don't take better care of yourself you WILL die."  I said,
"I
> love you very much - and I always will."  He said, "That's all I need."
And
> then it was time for me to leave.
>
> I sat alone in my living room reflecting on all that had happened, not
just
> now but the past two years.  I know that my father is in pain, not just
> physical (his feet) but also emotional pain.  I know that he has been
> repeatedly stripped of his dignity, his strength, his hair, and even now
his
> strength and abilities.  But one thing stuck in my mind - the first
> Thanksgiving after diagnosis.  It was horrible.  From Aug - Nov he had
aged
> 20 years, no exaggeration.  He could barely walk, he couldn't speak above
a
> whisper, he was pale and his hair was gone.  Shortly after, he was taken
to
> the hosp for severe rectal bleeding.  He overcame all that.  Surely, he
was
> just as bad off (only with different problems) two years ago; he had
> forgotten during the remission period when he was feeling well again.
>
> I thought deeply and prayed even more deeply.  I decided to call his
doctor,
> a big no-no as you all know here.  I got the answering service and she
called
> back.  I told immediately, "I know you aren't permitted to talk with me or
> give me information, but I just wanted to inform you of my father's state
of
> mind tonight and you can do whatever you wish with that information.  I
told
> her he was planning to sign himself out of the hospital TODAY.  I told her
> that he believes no one is telling him the truth about his condition and
that
> even if he improves, it will be only temporary.  I told her about his wish
> for death.  She said, "Thank you," and we hung up.
>
> I prayed, "Oh Lord, you know how hard my heart is against that woman (the
> Doc) and the difficult time we've had with her.  But please give her the
> right words to say to get through to my father.  It is my only hope now."
>
> She saw him this morning but never told him about our conversation.  When
I
> got there, he was sitting up on a chair and looking rather comfy.  I asked
> how he was, he said, "...somewhat better."  He told me the Dr was there
and
> told him that ALL tests still show the CANCER is GONE, NO pneumonia.  She
> told him that this setback is due to the combination of his meds and
chemo -
> a side-effect of them.  She said the pain in his legs should gradually
> subside and that he will only need one or two more chemo treatments.
>
> Later my sister and stepmother arrived and he discussed what we were all
> going to make for Christmas dinner and that Virginia should order the ham
he
> likes so much. Just last night, he was going to sign himself out; today he
> said, "I don't know if I'll get home by Tuesday, but I should be by
> Christmas."
>
> Thank you for those blessed smoke signals!!!!!   -chris
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