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Oh, dear Chris, I have been following your painful experiences with your
Dad, and have been keeping you both in heavy prayer, so i was very moved to
hear your news. thank God!!! I pray that your load and heart will be
lightened in the coming days, and that this will be a glorious Christmas for
you and you family. It's time. Love and prayers, Joicy
> From: CCR417@aol.com
> Reply-To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
> Date: Sun, 17 Dec 2000 18:14:27 EST
> To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
> Subject: [MOL] To Molers - "smoke signals"
>
> Well, the Lord must have seen all your smoke signals once again!!!! Here's
> how it goes...
>
> My father was angry all day yesterday - yelling at nurses and us. He was
> furious with his wife that she and the doctor put him in the hospital because
> the doctor suspected pneumonia. Last night he told the family that he wants
> to die now. That he's worse off than he was 2 years ago. That he's so weak
> "I can't stand on my own two leg." He said he knew he was sick 2-3 weeks
> already (so did we). I asked him outright, "Dad, you knew you were very sick
> and you weren't going to go to the hosp. You wanted to stay home and just
> die there, didn't you?" He said, "Yes, a peaceful death..." He said that
> it's in God's hands now. I told him, "Dad, I understand how you feel with as
> sick as you are. And I don't know if God is calling or not, but I DO know
> this - if you don't take better care of yourself you WILL die." I said, "I
> love you very much - and I always will." He said, "That's all I need." And
> then it was time for me to leave.
>
> I sat alone in my living room reflecting on all that had happened, not just
> now but the past two years. I know that my father is in pain, not just
> physical (his feet) but also emotional pain. I know that he has been
> repeatedly stripped of his dignity, his strength, his hair, and even now his
> strength and abilities. But one thing stuck in my mind - the first
> Thanksgiving after diagnosis. It was horrible. From Aug - Nov he had aged
> 20 years, no exaggeration. He could barely walk, he couldn't speak above a
> whisper, he was pale and his hair was gone. Shortly after, he was taken to
> the hosp for severe rectal bleeding. He overcame all that. Surely, he was
> just as bad off (only with different problems) two years ago; he had
> forgotten during the remission period when he was feeling well again.
>
> I thought deeply and prayed even more deeply. I decided to call his doctor,
> a big no-no as you all know here. I got the answering service and she called
> back. I told immediately, "I know you aren't permitted to talk with me or
> give me information, but I just wanted to inform you of my father's state of
> mind tonight and you can do whatever you wish with that information. I told
> her he was planning to sign himself out of the hospital TODAY. I told her
> that he believes no one is telling him the truth about his condition and that
> even if he improves, it will be only temporary. I told her about his wish
> for death. She said, "Thank you," and we hung up.
>
> I prayed, "Oh Lord, you know how hard my heart is against that woman (the
> Doc) and the difficult time we've had with her. But please give her the
> right words to say to get through to my father. It is my only hope now."
>
> She saw him this morning but never told him about our conversation. When I
> got there, he was sitting up on a chair and looking rather comfy. I asked
> how he was, he said, "...somewhat better." He told me the Dr was there and
> told him that ALL tests still show the CANCER is GONE, NO pneumonia. She
> told him that this setback is due to the combination of his meds and chemo -
> a side-effect of them. She said the pain in his legs should gradually
> subside and that he will only need one or two more chemo treatments.
>
> Later my sister and stepmother arrived and he discussed what we were all
> going to make for Christmas dinner and that Virginia should order the ham he
> likes so much. Just last night, he was going to sign himself out; today he
> said, "I don't know if I'll get home by Tuesday, but I should be by
> Christmas."
>
> Thank you for those blessed smoke signals!!!!! -chris
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