[MOL] To Molers - "smoke signals" [00562] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] To Molers - "smoke signals"



Well, the Lord must have seen all your smoke signals once again!!!!  Here's 
how it goes...

My father was angry all day yesterday - yelling at nurses and us.  He was 
furious with his wife that she and the doctor put him in the hospital because 
the doctor suspected pneumonia.  Last night he told the family that he wants 
to die now.  That he's worse off than he was 2 years ago.  That he's so weak 
"I can't stand on my own two leg."  He said he knew he was sick 2-3 weeks 
already (so did we).  I asked him outright, "Dad, you knew you were very sick 
and you weren't going to go to the hosp.  You wanted to stay home and just 
die there, didn't you?"  He said, "Yes, a peaceful death..." He said that 
it's in God's hands now.  I told him, "Dad, I understand how you feel with as 
sick as you are.  And I don't know if God is calling or not, but I DO know 
this - if you don't take better care of yourself you WILL die."  I said, "I 
love you very much - and I always will."  He said, "That's all I need."  And 
then it was time for me to leave.

I sat alone in my living room reflecting on all that had happened, not just 
now but the past two years.  I know that my father is in pain, not just 
physical (his feet) but also emotional pain.  I know that he has been 
repeatedly stripped of his dignity, his strength, his hair, and even now his 
strength and abilities.  But one thing stuck in my mind - the first 
Thanksgiving after diagnosis.  It was horrible.  From Aug - Nov he had aged 
20 years, no exaggeration.  He could barely walk, he couldn't speak above a 
whisper, he was pale and his hair was gone.  Shortly after, he was taken to 
the hosp for severe rectal bleeding.  He overcame all that.  Surely, he was 
just as bad off (only with different problems) two years ago; he had 
forgotten during the remission period when he was feeling well again.

I thought deeply and prayed even more deeply.  I decided to call his doctor, 
a big no-no as you all know here.  I got the answering service and she called 
back.  I told immediately, "I know you aren't permitted to talk with me or 
give me information, but I just wanted to inform you of my father's state of 
mind tonight and you can do whatever you wish with that information.  I told 
her he was planning to sign himself out of the hospital TODAY.  I told her 
that he believes no one is telling him the truth about his condition and that 
even if he improves, it will be only temporary.  I told her about his wish 
for death.  She said, "Thank you," and we hung up.

I prayed, "Oh Lord, you know how hard my heart is against that woman (the 
Doc) and the difficult time we've had with her.  But please give her the 
right words to say to get through to my father.  It is my only hope now."

She saw him this morning but never told him about our conversation.  When I 
got there, he was sitting up on a chair and looking rather comfy.  I asked 
how he was, he said, "...somewhat better."  He told me the Dr was there and 
told him that ALL tests still show the CANCER is GONE, NO pneumonia.  She 
told him that this setback is due to the combination of his meds and chemo - 
a side-effect of them.  She said the pain in his legs should gradually 
subside and that he will only need one or two more chemo treatments.

Later my sister and stepmother arrived and he discussed what we were all 
going to make for Christmas dinner and that Virginia should order the ham he 
likes so much. Just last night, he was going to sign himself out; today he 
said, "I don't know if I'll get home by Tuesday, but I should be by 
Christmas."

Thank you for those blessed smoke signals!!!!!   -chris
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