[MOL] Fwd: Memo (Joke) [01111] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] Fwd: Memo (Joke)





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In a message dated 11/24/2000 8:12:09 PM Eastern Standard Time, JSFried
writes:


FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> RE: Christmas Party
>> DATE: December 1
>>
>> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
>> on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit
>> Barbecue. There will be plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing
>> traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if
>> our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> DATE: December 2
>> RE: Christmas Party
>>
>> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
>> We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides
>> with Christmas. So from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The
>> same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this
>> time. Everybody happy now?
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> DATE: December 3
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
>> requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
>> to accommodate this request. But if I put a sign on a table that reads,
>> "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
>> this? Somebody?
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> DATE: December 7
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
>> Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
>> daylight hours. We can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does
>> not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold
>> off on serving your meal until the end of the party - the days are so
>> short this time of year - or else package everything for take-home in
>> little foil swans. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members
>> of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
>> pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Did I miss
>> anything?
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> DATE: December 8
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice ... what do you expect me to do,
>> a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the
>> burning of sage by our "earth-based goddess-worshiping" employees, but
>> we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's
>> breaks. Okay???
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> Date: December 9
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up
>> like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be
>> "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
>> suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family
>> feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.
>> Could we lighten up?
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> DATE: December 10
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
>> party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can
>> sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
>> quaintly put it, and you'll get your stupid salad bar, including
>> hydroponic tomatoes ... but you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes
>> scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream, I'm hearing them
>> scream right now!
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Karen Jones, Acting Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> DATE: December 14
>> RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party
>>
>> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Smith a speedy recovery
>> from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards
>> to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to
>> cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off
>> with full pay.
>>




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  • To: Joanne Drayer <Jodrayer@aol.com>
  • Subject: [Fwd: memo from human resources]
  • From: Mary Kratz <kratz@epix.net>
  • Date: Wed, 22 Nov 2000 21:35:30 -0500
 

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>
>
>FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> RE: Christmas Party
>> DATE: December 1
>>
>> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
>> on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit
>> Barbecue. There will be plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing
>> traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if
>> our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> DATE: December 2
>> RE: Christmas Party
>>
>> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
>> We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides
>> with Christmas. So from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The
>> same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this
>> time. Everybody happy now?
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> DATE: December 3
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
>> requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
>> to accommodate this request. But if I put a sign on a table that reads,
>> "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle
>> this? Somebody?
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> DATE: December 7
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
>> Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
>> daylight hours. We can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does
>> not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold
>> off on serving your meal until the end of the party - the days are so
>> short this time of year - or else package everything for take-home in
>> little foil swans. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members
>> of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
>> pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Did I miss
>> anything?
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> DATE: December 8
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice ... what do you expect me to do,
>> a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi's prohibit the
>> burning of sage by our "earth-based goddess-worshiping" employees, but
>> we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's
>> breaks. Okay???
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> Date: December 9
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up
>> like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be
>> "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
>> suit." It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family
>> feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day.
>> Could we lighten up?
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> DATE: December 10
>> RE: Holiday Party
>>
>> Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
>> party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can
>> sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
>> quaintly put it, and you'll get your stupid salad bar, including
>> hydroponic tomatoes ... but you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes
>> scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream, I'm hearing them
>> scream right now!
>>
>> ========================================
>>
>> FROM: Karen Jones, Acting Human Resources Director
>> TO: Everyone
>> DATE: December 14
>> RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party
>>
>> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Smith a speedy recovery
>> from her stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards
>> to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to
>> cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off
>> with full pay.
>>
>> Happy Chanuk-Kwanzaa-Solsti-Rama-Mas
>
>

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