Hi Gail.
I wish there was something I could say that would ease your pain but
although mere words can't do that they can sometimes bring some comfort.
Firstly you need to know that what you're feeling is perfectly normal, there
is no one who can be strong all the time. Or else why would we even need a
"pity pot"?
It sounds like you and John have had a wonderfully close marriage so do you
really think you can hide your pain from him all the time? Or that he'd even
want you too? Part of that closeness you have probably came from crying
together as much as from laughing together. So give yourself permission to
have days like these. They will help you to get back up tomorrow with
renewed strength. And remember, while you may lose some of the battles the
war's not over yet!
I will pray along with everyone else that you and John get to be very, very
old together. And it is because your life together has been so very blessed
that you are so anxious for it to continue, who could blame you for that? It
doesn't matter if you've had 4 months or 34 years, none of us want to let go
of something so beautiful as the love you share. So please don't feel you
have less right than anyone else to cry or feel angry or to question why. It
is this venting that will keep you sane and determined through the difficult
journey ahead. And never forget that we are here for you in whatever way you
need us to be.
Your friend,
Bridget
>From: "John O\\"Donnell" <brexton@america.net>"@dns.inet911.com
>Reply-To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
>To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
>Subject: Re: [MOL] Gail
>Date: Sun, 24 Sep 2000 15:11:27 +0000
>
>Hi,
>
>I think I am having a real tough day. John is the one fighting cancer yet
>today
>I can't stop crying. I don't know why God picked us to fight this battle.
>I am
>trying to be strong, but it's not happening today. I know that everything
>happens for a reason, but I can't figure out why today. John and I have
>had 34
>wonderful years (on Sept 21st) together. That is a lot more than a lot of
>people have. We have three wonderful sons, and two beautiful grandkids.
>We
>have had a great life, and I should not question the why's. I should not
>feel
>sorry for myself. I need to concentrate on John. He has taken care of me
>for
>so long, and now it's my turn.I got to be a stay at home mom. I have never
>wanted for anything. I have had a beautiful life with my John. I try to
>focus
>on that. But today is just a hard day. I am being selfish. I don't want
>to be
>left alone. John promised he would get old with me, and it seems that will
>not
>happen. I have not given up our fight, but I sure don't want him to suffer
>either. So what am I to do? Please accept my apologies for todays letter.
> But
>if I don't vent, I will never get through this. I keep remembering what
>my
>mom keeps telling me, "God will give you no more than you can handle."
>What is
>He thinking????
>Gail
>
>Lillian wrote:
>
> > Please tell John to drink up his power builder shakes so that when you
>send
> > us a picture of the wedding he will have mighty big muscles to flex!
> >
> > Nothing is set in stone Gail, we have seen so many people who were told
>to
> > go home and get everything in order they only had a few months. Well,
>some
> > of those same people are right here on the forum helping others and
>many
> > more are again enjoying life. Taking the lessons they have learned on
>this
> > journey and living life to the fullest. More people today live with
>cancer
> > than die with it. Don't you two ever give up the fight.
> >
> > The extent of the cancer does limit a person from many of the trials;
>but
> > further on let me know if you want me to research trials and see if
>their is
> > one for John. They are doing much with stem cell and immunotherapy, and
> > then there is heat therapy (which I have not heard of anyone using yet).
> >
> > Thanks so much for the report and know we are here for you. Warmly,
>lillian
> >
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