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Gail, dear, you've been doing an incredible job of holding up during a
difficult, painful time, and there is no reason to apologize for venting
about a bad day. Acknowledging the struggle and the pain does not
necessarily mean you're not handling it; it just means you're honest. We can
only stuff our feelings so much, and they need to come out. And this is a
caring, safe place to do it! Don't feel that having a good cry and sharing
the pain means you are letting John down, or that God doesn't hear. I seem
to recall that as David wrote the Psalms, he did considerable venting about
his horrible circumstances, and was asking pretty much the same question --
"what could God be thinking??!" I don't have the answer for the why, but I
can assure you that he is indeed there, and still loves you and John deeply.
Don't despair, my friend. Psalm 139 always gives me comfort when I wonder
about these things. Love and prayers to you both, Joicy
> From: "John O\\"Donnell" <brexton@america.net>"@dns.inet911.com
> Reply-To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
> Date: Sun, 24 Sep 2000 15:11:27 +0000
> To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
> Subject: Re: [MOL] Gail
>
> Hi,
>
> I think I am having a real tough day. John is the one fighting cancer yet
> today
> I can't stop crying. I don't know why God picked us to fight this battle. I
> am
> trying to be strong, but it's not happening today. I know that everything
> happens for a reason, but I can't figure out why today. John and I have had
> 34
> wonderful years (on Sept 21st) together. That is a lot more than a lot of
> people have. We have three wonderful sons, and two beautiful grandkids. We
> have had a great life, and I should not question the why's. I should not feel
> sorry for myself. I need to concentrate on John. He has taken care of me for
> so long, and now it's my turn.I got to be a stay at home mom. I have never
> wanted for anything. I have had a beautiful life with my John. I try to
> focus
> on that. But today is just a hard day. I am being selfish. I don't want to
> be
> left alone. John promised he would get old with me, and it seems that will
> not
> happen. I have not given up our fight, but I sure don't want him to suffer
> either. So what am I to do? Please accept my apologies for todays letter.
> But
> if I don't vent, I will never get through this. I keep remembering what my
> mom keeps telling me, "God will give you no more than you can handle." What
> is
> He thinking????
> Gail
>
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