[MOL] Something to contemplate .... [00448] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] Something to contemplate ....



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HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE KIDS: 

MESS TEST 
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish 
stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. 

TOY TEST 
Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute 
roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. 
Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. 
Do not scream because this would wake a child at night. 

GROCERY STORE TEST 
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take 
them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay 
for anything they eat or damage. 

DRESSING TEST 
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small 
net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside. 

FEEDING TEST 
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. 
Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. 
Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the 
jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the 
contents of the jug on the floor. 

NIGHT TEST 
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. 
begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down 
your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m.Get up, pick up your 
bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a 
dozen more and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 
5:00a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. 
Look cheerful. 

INGENUITY TEST 
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of 
paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper 
tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use 
only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk 
carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. 
Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. 

AUTOMOBILE TEST 
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice 
cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it 
there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a 
family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into 
the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. 
There, perfect. 

PHYSICAL TEST (Women) 
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of 
your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of 
the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. 
You won't be wearing them for a while. 

PHYSICAL TEST (Men) 
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. 
Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest 
food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your 
paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a 
newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time. 

FINAL ASSIGNMENT 
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on 
how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, 
toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways 
they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never 
allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It 
will be the last time you will have all the answers. 

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