Re: [MOL] Date: Sat, 2 Sep 2000 18:14:51 +0100 [00145] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Date: Sat, 2 Sep 2000 18:14:51 +0100



When my father died 2 yrs. ago, my youngest sister, who was in her 
mid-thirties at the time (certainly not a child) behaved like such a spoiled 
brat that she alienated everyone around her. She was angry at the world, and 
at my father because she was pregnant with her 2nd child and my father 
wasn't going to live long enough to see her baby. 2 yrs. earlier when she 
was pregnant with her 1st child, our oldest brother died of cancer, also 
before the birth. Both of her pregnancies were wrapped in grief and she 
hated all of us for that. While we understood her pain, it was difficult to 
condone her actions.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that every person reacts from things 
that are internal to them and you can't change that. I'm sure both your mom 
and aunt are convinced they are justified in what they're doing because, if 
they weren't, why would they be so angry? When we need to vent our feelings, 
who do we normally turn to? Isn't it usually the person that we trust the 
most? No matter what transpires between your mom and her sister they will 
always forgive each other, as we did with my sister.
For what it's worth David, I'd probably let them work this out for 
themselves and just be there with loving support for both of them. You need 
to focus on yourself right now and conserve your energy to help you on your 
journey back to wellness. I will pray that your dear mom and aunt will find 
their way to peace real soon.
Your friend,
Bridget

>From: "Whipps, David" <David.Whipps@equitas.co.uk>
>Reply-To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
>To: "'angel'" <mol-cancer@meds.com>
>Subject: [MOL] Date: Sat, 2 Sep 2000 18:14:51 +0100
>Date: Sat, 2 Sep 2000 11:56:38 -0400
>
>Dear Friends,
>
>I'm after some information from people that have been through this or have
>read about this.  I'm getting increasingly concerned about my mum and aunt
>over the past few weeks.  As many of you know, my Nan died in April, and
>though it was a sad time, it also made me realise that Cancer can help you
>see things more clearly.
>
>I thought, and in some ways I still do think this, that I have coped pretty
>well with my loss, as I have grieved, and still grieve, but am able to cope
>with things a lot better since her pain has gone.
>
>It seems however that my mum and aunt are pushing self destruct buttons.
>Both are currently taking Prozac, both have been offered counselling, but
>refused, and both have fallen out with each other something so trivial its
>stupid.  Neither of them will break this situation and talk to each other,
>or see some form of sense, and realise they need help to get through this.
>
>Is it common for the eldest child and youngest child of a family to go
>through some form of regression after they have nursed their mother through
>an illness?  I have trawled through loads of my Psyche books, but most of
>the attachment issues revolve around children not adults of 50+??
>
>Any suggestions from anyone out there??
>
>
>Regards
>
>David Whipps
>(01252) 808077
>
>
>
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