Re: [MOL] Chris [02336] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Chris






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----- Original Message -----
From: <CCR417@aol.com>
To: <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
Sent: Monday, August 28, 2000 7:43 PM
Subject: Re: [MOL] Chris


> Well, Lillian, I can't say anything about the previous article as I don't
> recall which one it was.  But this one really touched me because I find
that
> grieving doesn't necessarily begin with death.  It begins with a loss -
any
> loss of something or someone near and dear to you.  It begins with FEAR of
> losing something you may still actually have.
>
> I am so very thankful to have my father with us, yet in so many ways I
also
> have lost him.  So I rejoice and grieve at the same time.  I've lost the
man
> who was so vibrant, so full of laughter; his replacement is often
withdrawn
> and hardly speaks to me.  I've lost the "strongest man in the world" and
he
> was replaced by a new one, one who is physically weaker and sometimes
nearly
> a stranger to me.  But the new man demonstrates something the previous one
> hid very well - an incredible amount of *inner* strength.  I still have
> feelings of guilt (not able to help and be there *enough*), anger at the
> disease that has stolen the younger man and left this older one, fear that
it
> may worsen and be prolonged, terror at the thought that there just may not
be
> enough time to say and do all that is still needed doing and saying,
anguish
> at the thought that one day I will have to face a sunrise knowing he isn't
> here with me anymore.
>
> But I will *never* give up *hope*.  Not only hope that my father will
outlive
> the cancer by a goodly number of years yet, but even more importantly the
> hope that when the time comes, the Lord will be merciful and take him
gently.
>  Hope that someday I will again be with my mother and my father, my
> grandparents, and others that have already set their boats out on the
water
> ahead of me and wait to greet me again.  Does this explain anything - or
am I
> just rambling on in my own head again? :)
> -chris
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