Mr. Dave,
I LOVED this. I howled at #1. Thanks for sending. It gave me my laugh
for the morning.
Carol in Memphis
On Sun, 27 Aug 2000 09:54:42 EDT CCR417@aol.com writes:
> 19 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
> by Dave Berry
>
> 1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative
> on the
> same night.
>
> 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human
> race has not
> achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
> would be
> "meetings".
>
> 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
>
> 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
> never want
> you to share yours with them.
>
> 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its
> glories,
> decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His
> messenger,
> a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
>
> 6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
>
> 7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
> seriously.
>
> 8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
> individual
> who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often,
> that
> individual is crazy.
>
> 9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
>
> 10. Never lick a steak knife.
>
> 11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
>
> 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
>
> 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
> compelling
> reason why we observe daylight savings time.
>
> 14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
> suggests that
> you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
> from her
> at that moment.
>
> 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people
> to make a
> big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
>
> 16. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
> gender,
> religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
> inside, we
> ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
>
> 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to
> annoy
> people who are not in them.
>
> 18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a
> nice
> person.
>
> 19. Your friends love you anyway.
>
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