[MOL] Some wisdom - from Dave Barry [02218] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] Some wisdom - from Dave Barry



19 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
by Dave Berry 

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the 
same night. 

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not 
achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 
"meetings". 

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want 
you to share yours with them. 

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, 
decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, 
a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 

6. You should not confuse your career with your life. 

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual 
who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that 
individual is crazy. 

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 

10. Never lick a steak knife. 

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling 
reason why we observe daylight savings time. 

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that 
you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her 
at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a 
big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

16. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, 
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we 
ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy 
people who are not in them. 

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice 
person. 

19. Your friends love you anyway. 
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