Re: [MOL] /DEBATE [02182] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] /DEBATE



Thanks for sharing the beautiful relationship of your parents. It is special now
a days to here of married couples in love (for real),...........Beav

Bridget Rambeau wrote:

> An interesting story Chris. It's funny but I also asked my mother if she
> ever felt like leaving my father. Her response was very like your
> grandmothers. But she also said she was glad it hadn't been that easy or she
> would have missed out on so much that came later in their marriage. My dad
> was 89 yrs old (almost 90) when he died in 1998. He was 17 yrs older than my
> mother. The last 2 months of his life were spent in hospital with mom as his
> primary caregiver. She spent every night during that period in the hospital
> with him and rarely left his side. Remembering the love that surrounded them
> during that time still brings tears to my eyes. The key, I think, is they
> worked on their marriage because when they said; "'til death do us part",
> they meant it.
> Your friend,
> Bridget
>
> >From: CCR417@aol.com
> >Reply-To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
> >To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
> >Subject: Re: [MOL] /DEBATE
> >Date: Fri, 25 Aug 2000 15:37:49 EDT
> >
> >Bridget, your note touched my memory banks too!  My grandparents (both from
> >Europe) came here when they were little more than children (16 & 18 yrs
> >old)
> >and never saw their families of origin again.  They met, married, and
> >raised
> >there 14 children here in America.  They struggled through a depression and
> >the loss of two children together.  It wasn't easy and there were times
> >they
> >were both very unhappy - with ea. other and with themselves.
> >
> >  I asked my grandmother once if she ever felt like she wanted a divorce.
> >She
> >said, "If it would have been as easy as it is to get one today, I might
> >have."  She was also a devout Catholic, so I know that played a much bigger
> >part than any ease or stigma would have.  But she said my grandfather
> >teased
> >when he got frustrated that he would leave her and go back to Austria.  She
> >said, "Go ahead, only don't think you can come back afterward."  He said,
> >"Sure I will - to see the kids."  She said, "I assure you - you won't!"
> >Whether it was economics (with all those kids and little work to be had I
> >doubt he had the funds to book passage back) or whether it was commitment,
> >I
> >don't know.  But he never went.
> >
> >Could be he was really terrified of not seeing his children again; in those
> >days the mother could do that - and fathers could leave without going to
> >jail
> >for non-support.  They were married 50 years when he passed away in 1969
> >and
> >she lived until 1987 and died at 90 yrs old (b. 1897).  Her last words
> >expressed great pleasure at the hope of seeing him again.
> >
> >I also asked her if she loved my grandfather when she married him.  She
> >could
> >barely seem able to comprehend the idea that marriage and love had to be
> >part
> >of the same deal.  She merely answered, "I knew we could 'come' along (she
> >meant 'get' along) together and build a life together because we wanted the
> >same things." Then I repeated my question, insisting she side-winded it w/
> >her narrative.  She said, "I liked him.  He was tall and handsome; and he
> >seemed like a good and strong man."  She said she grew to love him.  I
> >think
> >our definitions of love (I was a young wife then) were different.
> >Attraction
> >was not love, but she was attracted to my grandfather.  She respected him.
> >She grew to respect him more as the years passed, and *that* was her
> >definition of love.   -chris
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