Re: [MOL] /DEBATE [02125] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] /DEBATE



An interesting story Chris. It's funny but I also asked my mother if she 
ever felt like leaving my father. Her response was very like your 
grandmothers. But she also said she was glad it hadn't been that easy or she 
would have missed out on so much that came later in their marriage. My dad 
was 89 yrs old (almost 90) when he died in 1998. He was 17 yrs older than my 
mother. The last 2 months of his life were spent in hospital with mom as his 
primary caregiver. She spent every night during that period in the hospital 
with him and rarely left his side. Remembering the love that surrounded them 
during that time still brings tears to my eyes. The key, I think, is they 
worked on their marriage because when they said; "'til death do us part", 
they meant it.
Your friend,
Bridget

>From: CCR417@aol.com
>Reply-To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
>To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
>Subject: Re: [MOL] /DEBATE
>Date: Fri, 25 Aug 2000 15:37:49 EDT
>
>Bridget, your note touched my memory banks too!  My grandparents (both from
>Europe) came here when they were little more than children (16 & 18 yrs 
>old)
>and never saw their families of origin again.  They met, married, and 
>raised
>there 14 children here in America.  They struggled through a depression and
>the loss of two children together.  It wasn't easy and there were times 
>they
>were both very unhappy - with ea. other and with themselves.
>
>  I asked my grandmother once if she ever felt like she wanted a divorce.  
>She
>said, "If it would have been as easy as it is to get one today, I might
>have."  She was also a devout Catholic, so I know that played a much bigger
>part than any ease or stigma would have.  But she said my grandfather 
>teased
>when he got frustrated that he would leave her and go back to Austria.  She
>said, "Go ahead, only don't think you can come back afterward."  He said,
>"Sure I will - to see the kids."  She said, "I assure you - you won't!"
>Whether it was economics (with all those kids and little work to be had I
>doubt he had the funds to book passage back) or whether it was commitment, 
>I
>don't know.  But he never went.
>
>Could be he was really terrified of not seeing his children again; in those
>days the mother could do that - and fathers could leave without going to 
>jail
>for non-support.  They were married 50 years when he passed away in 1969 
>and
>she lived until 1987 and died at 90 yrs old (b. 1897).  Her last words
>expressed great pleasure at the hope of seeing him again.
>
>I also asked her if she loved my grandfather when she married him.  She 
>could
>barely seem able to comprehend the idea that marriage and love had to be 
>part
>of the same deal.  She merely answered, "I knew we could 'come' along (she
>meant 'get' along) together and build a life together because we wanted the
>same things." Then I repeated my question, insisting she side-winded it w/
>her narrative.  She said, "I liked him.  He was tall and handsome; and he
>seemed like a good and strong man."  She said she grew to love him.  I 
>think
>our definitions of love (I was a young wife then) were different.  
>Attraction
>was not love, but she was attracted to my grandfather.  She respected him.
>She grew to respect him more as the years passed, and *that* was her
>definition of love.   -chris
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