Re: [MOL] Back to Carol [01454] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Back to Carol



Hi Carol,
Thank you, you are so sweet.  You take care, I'm sure you'll be a good patient and you'll have a wonderful caregiver.  I put in a good word for you.
God Bless,
Nanc ():-)

On Tue, 15 Aug 2000 14:12:40 -0500 Carol Foulkes <crfoulkes@Juno.com> wrote:
>Dear Nanc
>
>	Beautiful reply.  Well stated.  When my time comes, I hope my care taker
>has the same attitude.  One thing about it, reading what you care givers
>are going through has enlightened me.  I hope that when it's that time,
>that I can be cognizant of my care giver's needs and feelings.  If I am,
>it will be because of people like you.
>
>Best wishes,
>Carol in Memphis
>
>
>On Sun, 13 Aug 2000 02:07:00 -0400 (EDT) Nancy Postema <misty61@iwon.com>
>writes:
>> Dear Beav,
>> Why don't you explain to your Husband that everyone came to tell him 
>> goodbye
>> and make peace, but didn't want to do it once they got there cause 
>> they
>> thought that they may scare him into dying or giving up the fight.  
>> My
>> family was afraid to tell Don goodbye, but they finally did and he 
>> has lived
>> months since.
>> It's OK for them to say goodbye, you never know how long he will 
>> live, it
>> could still be a long time.
>> Your just taking a dive down that roller coaster ride right now.
>> Now feel my foot giving you a good boot, but please help me get you 
>> to the
>> top of the hill.
>> Tell your husband that friends and family need to say what they need 
>> to say
>> to him, cause they don't need to live on feeling guilty that they 
>> never got
>> the chance to do that, and that it doesn't mean that he is going 
>> today,
>> tomorrow, weeks, or months from now, this is something that family 
>> and
>> friends need to do.
>> Don't you have a social worker with Hospice?  There is one, ask her 
>> or him
>> to come talk to you and your Hubby about your problem, they really 
>> help you
>> to make right choices.
>> Don't you try and carry the load of your husbands journey, he needs 
>> to know
>> the truth and carry his part of the load and to be able to make his 
>> choices,
>> the rest of you have to learn to live with it.
>> If this is something he really doesn't want, then you and your 
>> family will
>> have to live with it.
>> Honor his wishes, be honest with him, dump some of the load back to 
>> him, he
>> is sick, but it is his load.
>> Just because he is sick, doesn't mean you can't get mad at him and 
>> vent to
>> him, have you thought that he may want people to not pussy foot 
>> around him,
>> that he needs the truth, he is still alive, treat him like he is.
>> I was feeling so helpless like you sound right now, one day I was 
>> just full
>> of it, I said to him, what do you want, this is your journey, but I 
>> am not
>> your puppet, I am alive and will be after your gone, so what do you 
>> want
>> from me and the rest of the people around me.
>> My Don has no quality of life, that makes me feel so bad, he still 
>> wants to
>> fight, but he doesn't eat what he is supposed to, yesterday I lost 
>> it, he
>> put his sugar up so high he was about to have to go back to the 
>> hospital, he
>> was just a smarty about it, he said he wanted what ever he wanted to 
>> eat and
>> that he didn't care if he died, I said fine, if that is what you 
>> want then
>> just go and get what he wants from the kitchen, take the oxygen off 
>> and quit
>> taking your pills, cause their is no half way here, it is fight the 
>> right
>> way or just quit.
>> I told him I was tired of doing everything and helping him fight, 
>> then
>> seeing him in the kitchen getting what he isn't supposed to have and 
>> thinks
>> he got away with something.  I told him that really makes me mad.
>> I told him if he was going to insist on doing this half way, then I 
>> was
>> going away for a week and live a little instead of being torn in 
>> half.  So
>> what is it?  all or nothing, he said all and that he would be good, 
>> so far
>> so good.
>> Treat him like he is still alive, don't let him see you feeling 
>> sorry all
>> the time, if you are.
>> Tell him what you feel, he needs to know.  If you get mad or he 
>> hurts your
>> feelings let him know.
>> Tell him it's OK for him to leave you that you will be OK.
>> I tell Don what I am going to do after he goes, I let him know where 
>> I am
>> going to live, that I am selling the house, that I don't want 
>> another man,
>> cause I couldn't find one as good as he is, I told him I am getting 
>> a small
>> place and spending time with my horse every day and that I will 
>> still work,
>> that I can support myself and won't need help.
>> We together have got all his funeral arrangements taken care of.
>> He will get just what he wants.
>> This is not any fun for him or me, one day he wants to live the next 
>> he
>> wants to die lately.  I am just as bad, some days I want to be here 
>> and
>> other days I just want to run away.  Somedays I wished it could all 
>> end, it
>> is so hard to see him go down to nothing after he has always been so 
>> active.
>> Tuesday of this week I started going to ride and train my horse for 
>> 1 to 2
>> hours a night, I didn't go tonight, but will go tomorrow.  I love 
>> it, for
>> awhile I feel free, then I am happy to come home.
>> I won't find you the pity pot, just let me know if you need that 
>> kick in the
>> butt, LOL
>> Please don't take offense to anything I have said, I am trying to 
>> help you,
>> I sure know the ride your on.  Caregiving is a very tough job.  I 
>> have been
>> there and done that for about 16 years in a row.  Hospice wants to 
>> hire me
>> when Don goes.  I don't think so, at least not for awhile, if ever, 
>> I am
>> tired and want to live in peace for a bit.
>> God Bless and many prayers to you and yours,
>> Nanc ():-)
>> I am here for you if you need my comments, or if you want to send me 
>> yours,
>> I can take it.  LOL
>> 
>> ------Original Message------
>> From: beav76@uswest.net
>> To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
>> Sent: August 13, 2000 5:09:29 AM GMT
>> Subject: Re: [MOL] This is for our caregivers,,,,hope it is of help 
>> to you!
>> 
>> 
>> Hi Everybody;
>> I know we are all shocked by the news from Lillian but I
>> was wondering if anybody has a helpful word for me I can't
>> tell being so close to this situation what to do.
>> My husband is definately getting worse.  2 wks. ago he
>> had pnuemonia followed by chronic diareeha and had to be
>> taken off of antibiotics. Today he coughed up old blood
>> again and I know if this continues he will end up back in
>> the hospital. He told me tomight he knows he is gettting
>> weaker and I said we need to have one of:" those talks "...
>> just in case. He agreed which is a big step for him. My
>> question is his family. Outreach with hospice advised them
>> to say their last words with him 2 months ago which was not
>> what I expected. Trying to make a long story short. My
>> husband is so afraid of dying that we couldn't tell him that
>> the family was coming to say goodbye to him so they told him
>> they were looking at some job sites in Riverside and come
>> over to Phoenix to see him. Well the day they were leaving
>> it leaked out that they were flying and didn't drive and my
>> husband became suspicious of them and can't understand why
>> they lie to him. He is always saying I can't believe my
>> brother lies to me all the time. I talked to his brother
>> and  he said not to say anything to him that he got out of
>> it what he wanted. It just tears me up to see my husbands
>> heart hurt over this and now that he is becoming more
>> receptive to dying I am wondering if I should say anything
>> so that he might want his brother to be with him in his last
>> days. Him and his brother have competed all their lives,
>> they are pro rodeo cowboys and they have been really close
>> and ofcourse mad at each other too at times.  It just
>> doesn't seem fair to my husband. I can't talk to his mom
>> about it because she is so devastated with his illness she
>> couldn't take it and his dad is in denial of  him having
>> cancer. You people are so good at digesting problems with
>> cancer because we all know what each other is dealing with
>> for the most part........Thanks for listening, Beav
>> 
>> Lillian wrote:
>> 
>> >
>> >    Holidayshttp://dying.about.com/health/dying/msub25.htm Dying
>> > at
>> > homehttp://dying.about.com/health/dying/msub10.htm  
>> http://dying.about.com/health/dying/msub8.htm
>> Caregivers:http://dying.about.com/health/dying/msub42.htm
>> Memorials:http://dying.about.com/health/dying/msub16.htm The
>> > Importance of
>> > Autopsy:http://dying.about.com/health/dying/msub45.htm     We
>> > invite you to take a look at our Album.
>> > www.angelfire.com/sc/molangels/index.html   ( Very
>> > informational, good tips, Molers pictures, art work and
>> > much more....
>> 
>> 
>> 
>>
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