Hi Lillian;
I will check again about a morphine pump. The way it was
explained to us at a pain clinic was that it is a small pump
that you wear and part of it would be surgically placed into
the spine. They emphacized concern for infection to the
spine. Thanks again for your reply. I am really wore out
this week. The caregiver couldn't come this week and a
replacement couldn't be found. Hopefully, next week will be
better. Caregiver will be back, car is fixed and hopefully
Bucky will be alright for awhile.........Love .......Beav
Lillian wrote:
> Health News
>
Health Focus: Comforting A Dying Person
August 2, 2000
Knowing what to expect and being prepared for the
death of a loved one can make this difficult
end-of-life transition a little less traumatic.
INTELIHEALTH FEATURE -
Until the 1940s, most people died at home,
surrounded by friends and family. But with the
dramatic advances in medical technology that
occurred in the mid-1900s, death and dying became
increasingly removed from the lives of Americans.
The primary location for death changed to hospitals
and nursing homes, often out of sight of families
and loved ones.
In recent years, however, more and more people are
dying at home again — primarily because they choose
to — and their families aren't always sure how to
act or what to say. Knowing what to expect and being
prepared can make this difficult end-of-life
transition a little less traumatic.
Giving Comfort, Giving Care
"Probably the most important thing is advance
planning," says Michael Harper, M.D., instructor of
medicine and medical director for Beacham Ambulatory
Care Center at Johns Hopkins. "Before it's too late,
the person who's dying should make plans for what
will happen as his life comes to an end — the things
he wants done, as well as those he doesn’t want
done." It is also important to remember that despite
this advice, many people simply choose not to make
such plans.
For example, does the dying person want lots of
company, or would he rather be left alone? Should
family members share sensitive information, or
should they withhold it? Will there be aggressive
medical care, or will death be allowed to come
naturally? These are all things that are best
decided in advance.
"I often recommend that people who are dying name a
health care agent, maybe someone in the family who
will make decisions for them if and when the time
comes that they can no longer decide for
themselves," says Dr. Harper. "It certainly can help
families cope when there are some plans laid out and
they know what their loved ones have chosen."
Everyone has different needs, of course, but some
emotions are nearly universal among the dying. To
make those last weeks or months as comfortable and
stress-free as possible, here are a few points to
keep in mind:
* Your presence is everything. "One of the things
dying people are afraid of is abandonment,"
says Dr. Harper. Having people around —
talking, watching movies or simply reading
together — can give tremendous comfort. Of
course, Dr. Harper adds, some people would just
as soon be left alone. The only way you’ll know
for sure is to ask.
* Be prepared to listen. Those who are dying may
want to share their fears, discuss their
uncertainty about the future and talk about
their concerns for those they’re leaving
behind. Keep in mind, however, that men and
women, whether they’re the caregivers or those
receiving care, often express themselves in
different ways. Men, for example, have a
tendency to give advice when someone really
just wants them to listen. Women, on the other
hand, may push people to "let it all out." "You
need to ask yourself what your spouse or your
father or your mother would want, not what you
want," says Dr. Harper.
[.] * Be honest and share information. Family members
naturally want to protect their loved ones, and
sometimes they do this by withholding difficult
information — news about lab test results, for
example, or practical details about real estate
or finances. It’s usually better to be
forthright. People who are dying need to retain
a sense of control, and this means being
included in family discussions.
* Give a lot of reassurance. "In surveys, when
you ask people what they fear most later in
life, death is rarely number one," Dr. Harper
says. "What people usually say is, 'I don’t
want to be a burden on my family.'" Take the
time to let the dying person know how much you
value him and how grateful you are for the
opportunity to spend this last time together.
* Settle unfinished business. Everyone has
regrets — things they wish they'd done, old
rifts they wish they'd healed, places they wish
they'd seen. It's not always possible to
fulfill last wishes for a dying person, but
sometimes you can. So it's worth asking if
there's anything you can do.
* Respect the need for privacy. "People often
say, 'I don't want anyone to see me like
this,'" says Dr. Harper. "You just have to be
attuned to what the individual needs."
Care For The Living
Dying takes a toll on everyone, not the least on
those who are left behind. It doesn't make sense to
run yourself ragged during the last weeks or months,
says Dr. Harper. Get some help, and do it early.
"There's a great underutilization of hospice care,"
Dr. Harper says. "Most people who are enrolled in
hospice programs stay only a few weeks because they
came so late. This is unfortunate because hospice
care provides grief counseling along with lots of
additional benefits." In addition, hospice programs
are paid for by Medicare, and they include both
inpatient and at-home care, as well as care for the
living. Your doctor can recommend a program in your
area.
The process of dying is generally much longer than
it used to be because of improved medical care. So
it's worth looking for ways to gets through this
period with your emotions and even your health
intact. You can do several things to keep your peace
of mind:
* Realize that no matter how hard you try, you
can’t do everything. Make sure other family
members know what you’re going through. Get
them involved in the daily care — changing the
linens, shopping for groceries or keeping the
dying person company.
* Be direct about conflicts. Sometimes you just
can't do what the dying person wants. It's
important to be forthright about your
limitations. Otherwise, resentment and anger
are sure to simmer — and the dying person will
perceive them, whether they’re spoken or not.
* Prepare yourself for feelings of guilt. Nearly
everyone who cares for the dying goes through
phases of guilt and anger. You may feel guilty
because of things you wish you hadn't done,
because of old wounds or because you found
yourself wishing it all would end. It's normal
to feel this way. So don't be hard on yourself.
Understand that feelings of guilt are simply
part of the process.
* Get ready for the end. Even when people have
prepared for the death of a loved one who has
been chronically ill for months or even years,
the end nearly always comes as a shock to the
survivors. You may want to ask your doctor to
explain how to recognize when death is near. It
will give you time to prepare yourself — and
your family — for this last, sad stage of
life.
> We invite you to take a look at our Album.
> www.angelfire.com/sc/molangels/index.html ( Very
> informational, good tips, Molers pictures, art work and
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