God Be with you always Joicy! Goodness! this is where I feel the love I need
at this time. I went to that support group I spoke about at the Hospice
place. They let me express myself. The social worker suggested I write to the
crisis-care unit and tell them how I felt good or bad.
I believe what HURT the most is they(others that seen him) knew he was
leaving me. Sure hospice gave me a book to read to prepare myself but the
moment it happened. I lost it. I wanted them to get a suction over here to
get the mucus out that he couldn't get out himself. (that he usually had no
problem getting out on his own) And the sweat. I 'll leave it at this. I must
add when he opened his eyes to the ceiling, the site must of been awesome!
whatever he seen he loved it and went to it. Just before that happened I
remember the words of the social worker and she said," sometimes you have to
give your love ones permission to leave you. I got a chance to ask grandma to
forgive me for not letting Dad go a couple of nights before. (He had called
out to her and asked for his jacket, he said it was time to leave) I wouldn't
let him leave out like he asked. The next night (2nd time) he asked me to
open the back door, I marched to the back door , then I pulled back, saw my
daughter lying on the living room floor sleep. I said, nah, can't open the
door there might be a frog or something out here on the patio.
But, the third time he left me.I know nothing I did could have keep death
from coming in that morning. Actually, after hearing a couple of the ladies
in the group , I feel truly BLESSED to have been with my Dad.
I know I said a mouthful. :)
Teena
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