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I WILL ALWAYS
TRY TO BE UGLY
Everyone in the
apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat.
Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and shall we
say, love. The combination of these things, combined with a life spent outside,
had their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye, and where the
other should have been, was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the
same side, his left foot appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had
healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the
corner. His tail has long been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he
would constantly *shake and twitch. Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby
striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, and even his
shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs.
Every time
someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. “That's one UGLY cat!!” All the
children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him
down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the
door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned
the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and
quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around your feet
in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running, meowing
frantically, and bump his head against their hands... begging for their love. If
you ever picked him up, he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt,
earrings, or whatever he could find.
One day Ugly
shared his love with the neighbors' dogs. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly
was badly mauled. From my apartment, I could hear his screams, and I tried to
rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent
Ugly's sad life was almost at an end. Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs
and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, with a gaping tear in the white
strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him
home, I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I
must be hurting him terribly, I thought. Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking
sensation on my ear -- Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying, was
trying to suckle my ear.
I pulled him
closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head. Then he turned
his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring.
Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battle-scarred cat was asking only for a
little affection, perhaps some compassion. At that moment, I thought Ugly was
the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to
bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way.
Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain. Ugly
died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long
time afterwards... thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could
so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit; to love
so totally and truly.
Ugly taught me
more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show
specials ever could; and for that I will always be thankful. He had been scarred
on the out- side, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to
move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared
for. Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful; but
for me, I will always try to be Ugly.
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