Re: [MOL] Over at last [00235] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Over at last



Bess,

My heart is with you.  I am so sorry for your loss and celebrate the fact that
you had such a wonderful life with this extraordinary man.  Thank you for telling
us about him here on the forum, your words are so beautiful to read and your
shared love certainly comes thru clearly expressed.  There is much in this
posting that you could use in the obituary since you expressed yourself so
wonderfully and people that did not knew him well as well as acquaintances would
love to read what a wonderful person he truly was.

My prayers.

Peggy

BesTom@AOL.COM wrote:

> Dear Friends:
>     I just wanted to let you know that Tom died this morning at 5:30 am
> holding my hand at home as he wished..  One of his last conscious gestures
> during the previous day was to reach up his beautiful thin arm, take my head,
> pull it down to his oxygen mask and kiss me through it.  He could not speak
> but I will never forget this expression of love.  He looked so beautiful in
> his coffin at Frank Campbell's  Funeral Home, with his constant dear Buddhist
> like smile back on his bace that I just couldn't believe he wasn't bluffing
> and would jump up.
>     Since we began our struggle together we were as close and loving as at
> any time during our marriage.  I feel telling Tom about the death of my
> father on Memorial Day in retrospect may have hastened his decline a little
> but it was inevitable.  I also must say that the few weeks we were on Cabrini
> Hospice here in NY for me were extremely trying and disappointing. In MY
> experience, they were no help at all   I will always be grateful that I
> finally made the decision (regretfully not earlier) that whatever the cost I
> would  hire a superbly experienced full RN last from the finest nursing
> agency in NY. With all my medical knowledge I got no guidance about how to
> interpret what was happening moment to moment with Tom and what drugs to give
> and withhold.  In fact at 5pm last night a Cabrini nurse came by, took his
> blood temperature, examined him cursorily and left with NO INDICATION that a
> crisis was near.  The highly experienced nurse from Foley's in NY arrived at
> 8 pm, immediately looked at Tom, took me aside, and told me he would not make
> it through the night.  I could hardly believe her.  He had 103 fever (no one
> had thought to even take his temperature) which she cooled with ice packs,
> alocohol rubs, and tylenol supppositories.  She comforted us both and handled
> everything including the administration of the morphine.  This particular
> agency only allows full RNs to handle such matters whereas the hospice only
> gives you an LPN the last 48 hrs,
>     Tom was an extraordinarily talented and kind person.  He made dozens of
> outstanding TV documentaries and I never met a person who didn't like him.
> He traveled every  inch of the US which he loved dearly.  He had a wonderful
> smile.  I will keep his ashes on our altar until my own death at which time,
> we'll be buried together.  If I can pull myself together, I will try to work
> on an obituary that I hope I can get into the NY Times (very hard to do).  I
> know this would make him very happy.
> For the first time since his diagnosis I have a splitting headache so I won't
> write more tonight.  I always remember my grandmother saying "there's such a
> great difference between a person being here and not being here--physically
> that is."  Of course, Tom said he would always be here with me, but it's not
> the same.
>    Anyhow, thanks to all of you for your support during this difficult year.
> I will write more when I can.  Love, Bess
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