Re: [MOL] Lisa [00185] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Lisa



Lisa:  This site will help you make the decisions you are wrestling with.
Everyone is so different that I feel there are many ways and we all have to
do what we feel in our hearts.  Now my mother told me she wanted to die and
where she wanted to be when she died; so I had to release her to her wishes.
My aunt wanted to die so bad she started refusing food and I had to
understand that she wanted to be with her God and sisters.  Both were in
their 90's and had very good lives.  I think the hardest part for us that
will be lleft behind is to let go.  We can truly never be prepared, we may
think we are; but we just aren't.  There will be other's on the forum that
can guide you through this and they will come forth on Monday.  Peace, your
friend, lillian


http://dying.about.com/health/dying/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://www.t
eleport.com/%7Ehospice/states/oregon/hopewell/journey.htm

Stages of Caregiving
Caregivers experience four clearly defined stages as they travel the =
caregiving path. These stages can be understood as "developmental tasks" =
in adapting to the role of caregiver. These stages may occur at the same =
time, or in any order, and may "recycle" themselves during the course of =
a caregiving relationship.


  a.. Surviving. Surviving is what you do to keep going when you are =
feeling completely helpless. Surviving consists of coping: doing what =
has to be done and expending one's energy to just get by.

  b.. Searching. This is a time of acting, of moving forward from a =
reactive state of surviving. It is the beginning of a sense of control =
over emotions and your life; the awakening of a source of energy; a time =
for asking questions about the goals, values, and priorities of your own =
life. Outer Searching asks, "What's wrong? Can it be fixed?" Inner =
Searching asks, "Why? Why him or her? Why me? Why us? What does this =
mean for me and for our lives?" Searching also involves seeking answers =
and interventions related to the illness or condition.

  c.. Settling In. This stage is seeing the world for what it is and =
seeing yourself for who you are. It is moving beyond the intense =
emotions of surviving, feeling less of the sense of urgency of =
searching, and gaining a greater sense of control and balance in your =
daily life. Settling In is a time of relative equilibrium: you may not =
ever "forget" the reality your precarious time, but it can become a time =
of deepening, and more precious, moments in the relationship.

  d.. Separating. This final stage is a normal and necessary process in =
parent-child relationships. In a caregiving relationship, "letting go" =
by the caregiver may be especially difficult, with the caregiver =
unwilling, or unable, to experience any small separations, such as =
letting others help out in the caregiving and getting needed respite. =
However, it is necessary to avoid caregiver fatigue, and to allow the =
needy family member to retain or attain some level of independence.=20
The four stages are part of a normal process of adaptation. By =
understanding how they work, caregivers can better predict their =
emotions and reactions, and not think they are somehow "failing" when =
they feel a sudden rush of uncomfortable feelings. The stages help us =
see how we grow through the crises and hard times of our lives. The =
struggles and challenges of caregiving present great sorrows at times, =
but also opportunities for personal growth and competence.


Stages of Caregiving
Caregivers experience four clearly defined stages as they travel the =
caregiving path. These stages can be understood as "developmental tasks" =
in adapting to the role of caregiver. These stages may occur at the same =
time, or in any order, and may "recycle" themselves during the course of =
a caregiving relationship.


  a.. Surviving. Surviving is what you do to keep going when you are =
feeling completely helpless. Surviving consists of coping: doing what =
has to be done and expending one's energy to just get by.

  b.. Searching. This is a time of acting, of moving forward from a =
reactive state of surviving. It is the beginning of a sense of control =
over emotions and your life; the awakening of a source of energy; a time =
for asking questions about the goals, values, and priorities of your own =
life. Outer Searching asks, "What's wrong? Can it be fixed?" Inner =
Searching asks, "Why? Why him or her? Why me? Why us? What does this =
mean for me and for our lives?" Searching also involves seeking answers =
and interventions related to the illness or condition.

  c.. Settling In. This stage is seeing the world for what it is and =
seeing yourself for who you are. It is moving beyond the intense =
emotions of surviving, feeling less of the sense of urgency of =
searching, and gaining a greater sense of control and balance in your =
daily life. Settling In is a time of relative equilibrium: you may not =
ever "forget" the reality your precarious time, but it can become a time =
of deepening, and more precious, moments in the relationship.

  d.. Separating. This final stage is a normal and necessary process in =
parent-child relationships. In a caregiving relationship, "letting go" =
by the caregiver may be especially difficult, with the caregiver =
unwilling, or unable, to experience any small separations, such as =
letting others help out in the caregiving and getting needed respite. =
However, it is necessary to avoid caregiver fatigue, and to allow the =
needy family member to retain or attain some level of independence.=20
The four stages are part of a normal process of adaptation. By =
understanding how they work, caregivers can better predict their =
emotions and reactions, and not think they are somehow "failing" when =
they feel a sudden rush of uncomfortable feelings. The stages help us =
see how we grow through the crises and hard times of our lives. The =
struggles and challenges of caregiving present great sorrows at times, =
but also opportunities for personal growth and competence.


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