Re: [MOL] TO EVERYONE...FIGHTING CANCER! Kathy! [02399] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] TO EVERYONE...FIGHTING CANCER! Kathy!



I will tell a short tale on myself!  The first time I had cancer I was the
bravest person on earth.  I was bound and determined to make sure that all
my family and friends had nothing to concern themselves about.  I was so
busy being the caregiver and darn I was good at it.  Six months later, I
lost it.  I had no strength for anyone.  I crashed, I fell silent (yes and
no laughing at that plzzzz!).  It was the one and only time our marriage was
in serious trouble.  We went to a counselor; as I sat and heard my husband
saying "she won't talk to me.  She pretends that cancer had no effect on
her, when I know differently".  I almost fell off the chair, he was so right
and I was oh so wrong!  He saw right through all that bravery, I had fooled
no one.  Until, I had learned to lean on other's I was killing myself, not
only physically; but spiritually.  The second time I had cancer I had
learned that hard lesson of being open, sharing and at all times truthful.
I learned to lean on other's and this in itself has been a very rewarding
expierence.  After all, had I played that brave game again, I would not know
all of you?  It is your turn Kathy to lean on your family, loved ones,
friends and all of us who love you and will be there for you.  I see some of
me in you as I read your e-mails.  Every once of strength (and we know you
have plenty of that) must be used to heal yourself dear one.  Lovingly,
lillian


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----- Original Message -----
From: Joicy <joicy@erols.com>
To: <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
Sent: Sunday, April 30, 2000 2:35 AM
Subject: [MOL] Chris, Nanc and Kathy


> Chris and Nanc, if I can jump in here, too, and this is VERY important!
>
> One of the BIG things the oncs are trying to get across to all cancer
> patients is that the cancerers are absolutely NOT supposed to be
> worrying about anyone but themselves when they are fighting cancer, and
> they are NOT supposed to be trying to be the strong one or the support
> giver. All their energy must go into their healing. This goes counter to
> the thinking of most of us, especially if we are the "strong" one who is
> usually the caregiver, and we become ill, but it is essential to
> regaining good health.
>
> This was really hard for me when I was ill, because i wanted so bad to
> be there for my loved ones. But I simply didn't have the strength to
> fight the cancer AND protect them. This gets more complicated when
> several folks in the family are all ill, but we all have to bear
> responsibility for our own "stuff."
>
> There is no question that Steve may be a good guy who just needs time to
> overcome his own shock, and it sounds like he may already be doing this.
> I really hope so (we all like happy endings!) but that is HIS
> responsiblity, not Kathy's. Kathy needs to just focus all her energies
> on getting well (and I know you will, Kathy! get well, that is!)
>
> Again, hope you don't mind my speaking so strongly, but this is a really
> important (and confusing) issue for those dealing with cancer. Love you
> guys...Joicy
>
>
> CCR0417@AOL.COM wrote:
> >
> > In a message dated 04/30/2000 10:30:03 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
> > misty60@earthlink.net writes:
> >
> > > For some reason, although it may not seem fair.  The one with the
cancer has
> > >  to be the strong>  one, and has to be sometimes more supportive to
their
> > loved ones.  Being a>  caregiver is some times as hard as having the
cancer.
> >
> > Nanc, no disrespect intended here, but I must disagree. As hard it is
may be
> > to be a caregiver, and as much strength as it does require for a patient
to
> > deal with cancer, I don't think there is any comparison between what a
> > caregiver endures and the patient endures.
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