Hi, Dusti, so glad this was helpful. I think this is a very tough
issue for many of is. I just got back from visiting a friend who is
a prostate cancer survivor. He lives in a remote area, and the local
Dr. was furious because my friend opted to go to a larger hospital 2
hours away for a more advanced procedure! He has had to see this Dr.
since for some other things, because he can't drive 2 hours every
time he needs a Dr., and the guy treats him horribly. But in most
cases, we do NOT have to take it. I hope this helps with your mom.
Love, joicy
>Joicy, thank you for this article. My Mom's oncologist drives me crazy.
>It's like he doesn't even remember her and when he does, he is extremely
>negative. I have tried to tell Mom that it doesn't have to be like this and
>this article might help my case. Thanks again, I appreciate it.
>
>Regards.
>Dusti
>
>
>> ----------
>> From: Becker, Joicy[SMTP:Joicy.Becker@PTSEM.EDU]
>> Reply To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
>> Sent: Tuesday, April 25, 2000 4:38 PM
>> To: 'MOLers'
>> Subject: [MOL] Pointers: talking to your Dr.
>>
>> (The full article, "Divorcing your Dr." may be found at:
>>
>> http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/WPlate/2000-04/25/032l-042500-idx.htm
>> l
>>
>>
>> Below are some suggestions from Korsch and
>> other experts about how to develop a rapport
>>
>> with
>> your physician and when it may be time to divorce your doctor:
>>
>>
>> * Speak up--tactfully. If something bothers you
>> about
>> the doctor or the office, broach the
>> subject, but not in a hostile way. Saying you
>> don't
>> think the doctor is hearing your concerns,
>> that you feel rushed or that the nurse was rude is
>> permissible. Demanding that the doctor give
>> you your "money's worth" or yelling at the staff
>> is
>> likely to receive a chilly reception.
>>
>>
>> Sometimes the problem is symbolic, but important
>> to
>> you nonetheless. Suppose you hate it
>> when a doctor calls you by your first name. "You
>> could say, 'You know I really don't like it
>> when you call me by my first name and I call you
>> doctor,' " suggested Korsch, who has done
>> this herself.
>>
>>
>> * Don't wait until the last minute to bring up the
>> real reason for your visit. Doctors hate
>> so-called "doorknob questions"--those loaded, "Oh,
>> by
>> the way" inquiries that require
>> prolonged exploration and explanation. Mention
>> these
>> things first. That way you'll have more
>> time to discuss them.
>>
>>
>> * Be succinct. Some people chatter when they are
>> nervous and mention a litany of irrelevant
>> factors. Before you go in, think about what you
>> want
>> to say. Don't expect the doctor to divine
>> the problem: You have to articulate it. Be
>> selective
>> in your use of Internet information; many
>> medical Web sites contain information that is
>> misleading, outdated or not germane to your
>> problem. Don't come armed with reams of printouts
>> from the Web and expect the doctor to go
>> over them with you.
>>
>>
>> * If a doctor won't answer your questions or uses
>> incomprehensible medical jargon, be
>> persistent. If you find it hard to concentrate or
>> your problem is complex, take notes or use a
>> tape recorder. If you still find that you don't
>> understand, that your questions are not being
>> answered or that the answers don't make sense,
>> find
>> another doctor.
>>
>>
>> * Choose carefully. Don't pick a doctor just
>> because
>> he's nearby. Figure out what's important
>> to you in a physician and schedule a consultation
>> before you commit. "After all, you wouldn't
>> buy a car without driving it or at least sitting
>> in
>> it," said Mack Lipkin Jr., director of primary
>> care at the New York University School of
>> Medicine.
>>
>>
>> * Trust your instincts. Good relationships with a
>> doctor are predicated in large part on
>> chemistry. If you don't like her or you feel
>> uneasy,
>> find another physician.
>>
>>
>> * But don't be seduced by a doctor with a great
>> bedside manner--and little else. Empathy is no
>> substitute for clinical excellence; ideally they
>> go
>> together. "There are a great many quacks who
>> have a great bedside manner," Lipkin observed. "At
>> the same time there are doctors who are
>> technically outstanding but can't relate to
>> people."
>>
>>
>> * Dump a doctor who gets mad when you mention
>> seeking
>> a second opinion, or says you
>> don't need one. "It means he's got an MDeity
>> complex," said Korsch.
>>
>>
>> * If your chief complaint is waiting time, ask the
>> doctor how to minimize this. It may mean
>> arranging to have the first appointment of the day
>> or
>> calling ahead to see if the doctor is on time
>> or running late.
>>
>>
>> * Divorce a doctor who has made a serious mistake,
>> wasn't honest or failed to communicate
>> test results in a timely manner. You'll probably
>> never be able to trust him again.
>>
>>
>> If you've tried and continue to feel that you
>> can't
>> communicate or that the doctor is dismissive,
>> insensitive or disinterested, find a new doctor.
>> As
>> Lipkin noted, "Even though it may not
>> matter now . . . that you can't talk to your
>> doctor,
>> in the future your life may depend on it."
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