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Chris-you sound like a saint....a very loving, dutiful daughter. I count myself fortunate that my own Mother has not been cantankerous with me, I don't know if I could stand it. It has been hard enough w/out that extra obstacle. Diane, if I had any advice for you.....remember that your Mother is acting out of fear and she needs you to be calm and normal. Yes, there is an enormous amount of sacrifice, but you don't want to look back and regret. I thought Lillian had it right when she said that you will have to be creative and make it work. Good luck & feel free to vent here, I do all the time.
Regards,
Dusti
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From: CCR0417@AOL.COM[SMTP:CCR0417@AOL.COM]
Reply To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2000 8:29 PM
To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
Subject: [MOL] Diane - from Chris
Diane, oh your story is sooooo familiar to me! My father, who could be very
harsh in his younger days had mellowed considerably in his later years...that
is, until the cancer. It got worse when he started chemo and steroids. At
times I would look at him and wonder at the man who had stolen my father's
body! It wasn't the same man, but it certainly looked like him. He not only
fought bitterly (insulting, demeaning, accusing) to immediate family members
and caregivers, but even with his siblings! He made horrible accusations to
one of his younger sister about an incident from 40 years earlier (that did
NOT happen!). She shouted at him (she is a cancer survivor also): "How DARE
you say that to me? How DARE you?" and stormed out of his house. It went on
and on like that until the chemo stopped and he started thalidomide. Even
anti-depressants didn't help (mostly because he hardly ever took them). I
can't begin to tell you how many times I drove home with angry tears. I
actually dreaded going there. He even threw my sister, my Aunt, and myself
out of his house on numerous occasions. On the occasions we left, slamming
the door behind us! Looking back, I honestly think he couldn't help it one
bit. I think the *fear* in him was so strong - and for a man who has feared
little in life - it must have been like living hell. But when he got off
chemo and steroids, his nature reverted back again, so I do believe it was in
great part a chemical/biological reaction in his case and not just depression.
I can't speak for you and I can't tell you what to do, but I found that the
only way I would be able to survive was to lean on God - BIGtime. And I
prayed for my father, not just for healing of cancer, but for mercy on his
body, soul, mind, and spirit. I asked God to give me the strength I needed
and would need and to help me to help my father carry this cross. He did.
The second thing I did was to cry my heart out here where it was safe
(couldn't let my Dad see me fall apart). And loving arms reached out and
lifed my spirit every time; it always renewed me for the next round. -chris
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