[MOL] JOKE [00922] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] JOKE




 >  DRINKING AND THINKING
 >               - Submitted by Noel Oakes
 >              ___________________________
 >
 >Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road
 >drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.  The passenger, Bubba,
 >said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock!
 >We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
 >
 >"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said.  "We'll just pull over and
 >finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it
 >on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
 >
 >"What fer?" asked Bubba.
 >
 >"Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.
 >
 >Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under
 >the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.  When they
 >reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
 >
 >"No sir," Earl said.  "We're on the patch." >>


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Note: forwarded message attached.

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>===== Original Message From "Brenda Swanson" <swansb@CHAMPINT.COM> =====
---------------------- Forwarded by Brenda Swanson/Knightsbridge/Champion
International on 01/14/2000 03:51 PM ---------------------------


Belinda Kern
10/14/99 06:13 AM

To:   Vicki Richardson/Knightsbridge/Champion International@Champion
      International, Brenda Swanson/Knightsbridge/Champion
      International@Champion International, Laurie
      Kile/KB-Olsten/Non-Champion@Champion International
cc:
Subject:

The last two are good
---------------------- Forwarded by Belinda Kern/Knightsbridge/Champion
International on 10/14/99 05:57 AM ---------------------------


Walt.Kern@Itpms.com on 10/12/99 10:45:44 AM

To:   DW_Team@Swpco.com, Missy.Schwallie@Itpms.com, Belinda
      Kern/Knightsbridge/Champion International@Champion International
cc:
Subject:






>
>  DRINKING AND THINKING
>               - Submitted by Noel Oakes
>              ___________________________
>
>Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road
>drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.  The passenger, Bubba,
>said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock!
>We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
>
>"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said.  "We'll just pull over and
>finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it
>on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."
>
>"What fer?" asked Bubba.
>
>"Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.
>
>Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under
>the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.  When they
>reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
>
>"No sir," Earl said.  "We're on the patch."
>
>









> > >Subject: Andy Rooney
> > >
> > >Ads In Bills: Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in
> > >with your bills now?
> > >Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk
> > >mail in there with them.  I get back at them.  I put garbage in with
my
> > >check
> > >when I mail it in.  Coffee grinds, banana peels ... I write, "Could
you
> > >throw this away for me? Thank You."
> > >
> > >Fabric Softener:  My wife uses fabric softener.  I never knew what
that
> > >stuff
> > >was for.  Then I noticed women coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk
> > >off).
> > >That's how they mark their territory.  You can take off the ring, but
> > >it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
> > >
> > >Cripes:  My wife's from the Midwest.  Very nice people there. Very
> > >wholesome.
> > > They use words like 'Cripes'.  'For Cripe's sake.' Who would that be,
> > Jesus
> > >Cripe's?  The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'?   I'm not
> > >making fun of it.  You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?
> > >
> > >Morning Differences: Men and women are different in the morning. The
> > >men wake
> > >up aroused in the morning.  We can't help it.  We just wake up and we
> > >want
> > >you.   And the women are thinking, 'How can he want me the way I look
> > >in the
> > >morning?'  It's because we can't see you.  We have no blood anywhere
> > >near our optic nerve.
> > >
> > >Pregnancy:  It's weird when pregnant women feel the baby kicking. They
> > >say, 'Oh my god.  He's kicking.  Do you wanna feel it?'  I always feel
> > >awkward
> > >reaching over there.   Come on!  It's weird to ask someone to feel
your
> > >stomach.  I don't do that when I have gas. "Oh my god...give me your
> > >hand...It won't be long now..."
> > >
> > >Grandma:  My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says,
> > >'Sexy
> > >Senior Citizen'.  You don't want to think of your grandmother that
way,
> > >do you?  Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she
got
> > >that dollar she gave you for your birthday.
> > >
> > >Prisons:  Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to
> > >house
> > >each prisoner?  Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks a piece I'll take a few
> > >prisoners into my house.  I live in Los Angeles.  I already have bars
> > >on the windows.  I don't think we should give free room and board to
> > >criminals. I
> > >think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and
> > >generate
> > >electricity.  And if they don't want to run, they can rest in the
chair
> > >that's hooked up to the generator.
> > >
> > >Award Shows:  Can you believe how many award shows they have now?
They
> > >have awards for commercials.  The Cleo Awards, a whole show full of
> > >commercials. I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole
thing.
> > >
> > >Phone-In-Polls:  You know those shows where people call in and vote on
> > >different issues?  Did you ever notice there's always like 18% that
say
> > >"I don't know".  It costs 90 cents to call up and vote.  They're
voting
> > >They're voting "I don't know."
> > >"Honey, I feel very strongly about this.  Give me the phone. (Into
> > >Phone) I DON'T KNOW!" (Hangs up looking proud.)  "Sometimes you have
to
> > >stand
> > >up for what you believe you're not sure about."  This guy probably
> > >calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say "I'm not in the mood."
> > >
> > >Answering Machine:  Did you ever hear one of these corny, positive
> > >messages on someone's answering machine?  "Hi, it's a great day and
I'm
> > >out
> > >enjoying it right now.  I hope you are too.  The thought for the day
is
> > >'Share the love.' Beep."  "Uh, yeah ... this is the VD clinic
calling...
> > >Speaking of being positive, your test is back.  Stop sharing the
love."
> > >
> > >
>
>

______________________________________________________
>
>  >>  YOU KNOW YOU'RE TRAILER TRASH WHEN...
>  >>
>  >> *  The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has
>  >> more teeth than your spouse.
>  >>
>  >> *  You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke
>  >> at the dinner table in front of her kids.
>  >>
>  >> *  You've been married three times and still
>  >> have the same in-laws.
>  >>
>  >> *  You think a woman who is "out of your league"
>  >> bowls on a different night.
>  >>
>  >> *  Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most
>  >> Admired People".
>  >>
>  >> *  You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
>  >>
>  >> *  You wonder how service stations keep their
>  >> restrooms so clean.
>  >>
>  >> *  Someone in your family died right after
>  >> saying, "Hey, y'all watch this"
>  >>
>  >> *  Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
>  >>
>  >> *  You lit a match in the bathroom and your
>  >> house exploded right off its wheels.
>  >>
>  >> *  The bluebook value of your truck goes up and
>  >> down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
>  >>
>  >> *  You can't get married to yer sweetheart
>  >> 'cause there's a law against it.
>  >>
>  >> *  You think loading the dishwasher means
>  >> getting your wife drunk.
>  >>
>  >>
>





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* Viagra, The quicker dicker upper
* Viagra, One-a-day, like iron
* Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight
* Viagra, Home of the whopper
* Viagra, It plumps when you take 'em
* Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman
* Viagra, Tastes great, more filling
* Viagra, Ten inches long ... and growing.
* Viagra, We work harder, so you don't have to.

and the number one slogan being considered by Viagra:

* This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs.? Any questions?



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