Forwarded from another list! I got a laugh, even if it is irreverent!
Mam
>
>A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
>"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I
>put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous,
I
>take a sip."
>So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the
>sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
>Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on
the
>door:
>
>1.Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
>2.There are 10 commandments, not 12.
>3.There are 12 disciples, not 10.
>4.Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
>5.Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
>6.We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
>7.The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy,junior and
>the spook.
>8.David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
>9.When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he
was
>stoned off his ass.
>10.We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
>11.When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,"Take this and
eat
>it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
>12.The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
>13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
the
>grub, yeah God.
>14.Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a
>peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.
>
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