[MOL] Joke/ not for the very religious! [00761] Medicine On Line

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[MOL] Joke/ not for the very religious!

Forwarded from another list! I got a laugh, even if it is irreverent!
>A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. 
>After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
>"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I 
>put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous,
>take a sip." 
>So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the
>sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
>Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on
>1.Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 
>2.There are 10 commandments, not 12. 
>3.There are 12 disciples, not 10. 
>4.Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 
>5.Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 
>6.We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 
>7.The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy,junior and
>the spook. 
>8.David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 
>9.When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he
>stoned off his ass. 
>10.We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T". 
>11.When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,"Take this and
>it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me" 
>12.The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry." 
>13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
>grub, yeah God. 
>14.Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a
>peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's. 
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