[MOL] Look Before You Leap! [01295] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] Look Before You Leap!



In a message dated 9/30/1999 9:45:37 PM Eastern Daylight Time, DLM 37072 
writes:

<< >
 > "Look Before You Leap!!"
 >
 > A small balding man storms into a local
 > bar and demands "Gimme a double of
 > the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so
 > upset I can't even see straight!"
 >
 > The bartender, noticing that the little
 > man is a bit the worse for wear, pours
 > him a DOUBLE of Southern Comfort.
 >
 > The man swills down the drink and says,
 > "Gimme another ONE!". The bartender
 > pours the drink, but says "Now, before I
 > give you this,  why don't you let off a little
 > steam and tell me WHY you're so upset?"
 >
 > So the man begins his tale:  "Well, I was
 > sitting in the bar next door when this
 > gorgeous blonde slinks in, and actually
 > sits beside ME at the bar.  I thought WOW,
 > this has never happened before.  You know,
 > it was kind of a fantasy come TRUE.  Well,
 > a couple of minutes later I feel this hand
 > moving around in my lap and the blonde
 > leans over, licks my ear, and asks if I'm
 > INTERESTED?  I couldn't believe this was
 > happening! I managed to nod my head
 > YES, so she grabs my hand, and starts
 > walking out of the bar.  So of course I
 > went with her. This was just too good to
 > be true!"
 >
 > "She took me down the street here to a
 > nice hotel and up to her room. As soon
 > as she shut the door she slips out of her
 > dress.  That was all she was wearing! I
 > tell you it didn't take me much longer to
 > get out of my clothes!  But as soon as I
 > jumped into the bed, I hear some keys
 > jingling, and SOMEONE starts fumbling
 > with the door."
 >
 > "The blonde says 'Oh my gosh, it's my
 > BOYFRIEND.  He must have lost his
 > WRESTLING match tonight, he's gonna
 > be REAL MAD! Quick, HIDE!'"
 >
 > "So, I opened at the CLOSET, but I figured
 > that was probably the FIRST place he
 > would look, so I didn't hide there.  Then I
 > looked under the  bed, but no, I figured
 > he's bound to look there, TOO.  By now I
 > could  hear the key in the lock. I noticed
 > the window was open, so I climbed  out
 > and was hanging there by my FINGERS
 > praying that the guy WOULDN'T see me."
 >
 > The bartender says, "Well I can see how
 > you might be a BIT FRUSTRATED at
 > this point."
 >
 > "Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get
 > the door open and he yells out, 'Who
 > you been sleeping with now, bitch?'
 >
 > The girl says, 'Nobody, honey, now
 > come to bed and calm down.'  Well, the
 > guy starts TEARING up the room.  I hear
 > him tear the door off the closet and
 > throw it across the room.
 >
 > I'm thinking, 'Boy,  I'm glad I didn't hide
 > in there.'  Then I hear him lift up the bed
 > and throw it across the room.  Good
 > thing I didn't hide under there either.
 >
 > Then I heard him say, 'What's that over
 > there by the WINDOW?'  I think 'Oh crap,
 > I'm dead meat now'.  But the blonde by
 > now is trying real hard to distract him
 > and convince him to stop looking."
 >
 > "Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom,
 > and I hear water running for a long time,
 > and I figure maybe he's gonna take a
 > bath or something, when all of a sudden
 > the bastard pours a pitcher of scalding
 > HOT WATER out of the window right on
 > top of my head!  I mean look at this, I got
 > second degree burns all over my scalp
 > and shoulders!"
 >
 > The bartender says, "Oh man, that would
 > have enraged me for SURE."
 >
 > "No, that didn't really BOTHER me.  Next
 > the guy starts slamming the window shut
 > over and over on my hands.  I mean, look
 > at my fingers. They're a bloody mess, I
 > can hardly hold onto this glass."
 >
 > The bartender looks at the guy's hands
 > and says "Yeah, buddy, I can understand
 > why you are so UPSET."
 >
 > "No, that WASN'T what really ticked me off."
 >
 > The bartender then asks in exasperation,
 > "Well, then, what DID finally ticked you off?"
 >
 > "Well I was hanging there, and I turned
 > around and looked down, and I  WAS ONLY
 > ABOUT 6 INCHES OFF THE GROUND!" >>


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----- Original Message -----
From: Joke du Jour <FAQ-JdJ@lyris.enlist.com>
To: Joke du Jour <FAQ-JdJ@lyris.enlist.com>
Sent: Monday, September 27, 1999 11:59 PM
Subject: JdJ Sept 28, 99: Look Before You Leap!


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>
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> Joke du Jour Table of Content
>
> o "Stud Problems"
> o "Look Before You Leap!!"
>
>
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> When you're having problems, just look at
> someone else in a worse situation.  It might
> make you feel better.
>
> LadyHawke
> ~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> "Stud Problems"
>
> An infamous stud with a long list of
> conquests walked into his neighborhood
> bar and ordered a drink. The bartender
> thought he looked worried and asked
> him if anything was wrong.
>
> "I'm scared out of my mind," the stud
> replied. "Some ticked-off husband
> wrote to me and said he'd kill me if I
> didn't stop messing with his wife."
>
> "So stop," the barkeep said.
>
> "I can't," the womanizer replied, taking
> a long swill. "The bastard didn't sign
> his name!"
>
>
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>
>
> "Look Before You Leap!!"
>
> A small balding man storms into a local
> bar and demands "Gimme a double of
> the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so
> upset I can't even see straight!"
>
> The bartender, noticing that the little
> man is a bit the worse for wear, pours
> him a DOUBLE of Southern Comfort.
>
> The man swills down the drink and says,
> "Gimme another ONE!". The bartender
> pours the drink, but says "Now, before I
> give you this,  why don't you let off a little
> steam and tell me WHY you're so upset?"
>
> So the man begins his tale:  "Well, I was
> sitting in the bar next door when this
> gorgeous blonde slinks in, and actually
> sits beside ME at the bar.  I thought WOW,
> this has never happened before.  You know,
> it was kind of a fantasy come TRUE.  Well,
> a couple of minutes later I feel this hand
> moving around in my lap and the blonde
> leans over, licks my ear, and asks if I'm
> INTERESTED?  I couldn't believe this was
> happening! I managed to nod my head
> YES, so she grabs my hand, and starts
> walking out of the bar.  So of course I
> went with her. This was just too good to
> be true!"
>
> "She took me down the street here to a
> nice hotel and up to her room. As soon
> as she shut the door she slips out of her
> dress.  That was all she was wearing! I
> tell you it didn't take me much longer to
> get out of my clothes!  But as soon as I
> jumped into the bed, I hear some keys
> jingling, and SOMEONE starts fumbling
> with the door."
>
> "The blonde says 'Oh my gosh, it's my
> BOYFRIEND.  He must have lost his
> WRESTLING match tonight, he's gonna
> be REAL MAD! Quick, HIDE!'"
>
> "So, I opened at the CLOSET, but I figured
> that was probably the FIRST place he
> would look, so I didn't hide there.  Then I
> looked under the  bed, but no, I figured
> he's bound to look there, TOO.  By now I
> could  hear the key in the lock. I noticed
> the window was open, so I climbed  out
> and was hanging there by my FINGERS
> praying that the guy WOULDN'T see me."
>
> The bartender says, "Well I can see how
> you might be a BIT FRUSTRATED at
> this point."
>
> "Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get
> the door open and he yells out, 'Who
> you been sleeping with now, bitch?'
>
> The girl says, 'Nobody, honey, now
> come to bed and calm down.'  Well, the
> guy starts TEARING up the room.  I hear
> him tear the door off the closet and
> throw it across the room.
>
> I'm thinking, 'Boy,  I'm glad I didn't hide
> in there.'  Then I hear him lift up the bed
> and throw it across the room.  Good
> thing I didn't hide under there either.
>
> Then I heard him say, 'What's that over
> there by the WINDOW?'  I think 'Oh crap,
> I'm dead meat now'.  But the blonde by
> now is trying real hard to distract him
> and convince him to stop looking."
>
> "Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom,
> and I hear water running for a long time,
> and I figure maybe he's gonna take a
> bath or something, when all of a sudden
> the bastard pours a pitcher of scalding
> HOT WATER out of the window right on
> top of my head!  I mean look at this, I got
> second degree burns all over my scalp
> and shoulders!"
>
> The bartender says, "Oh man, that would
> have enraged me for SURE."
>
> "No, that didn't really BOTHER me.  Next
> the guy starts slamming the window shut
> over and over on my hands.  I mean, look
> at my fingers. They're a bloody mess, I
> can hardly hold onto this glass."
>
> The bartender looks at the guy's hands
> and says "Yeah, buddy, I can understand
> why you are so UPSET."
>
> "No, that WASN'T what really ticked me off."
>
> The bartender then asks in exasperation,
> "Well, then, what DID finally ticked you off?"
>
> "Well I was hanging there, and I turned
> around and looked down, and I  WAS ONLY
> ABOUT 6 INCHES OFF THE GROUND!"
>
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