RE: [MOL] joke 2 [01315] Medicine On Line


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RE: [MOL] joke 2



Button does not eat at the table.  She sits on my lap and eats.  She has her
own spoon.

		-----Original Message-----
		From:	owner-mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
[mailto:owner-mol-cancer@lists.meds.com] On Behalf Of Becker, Joicy
		Sent:	Monday, August 30, 1999 11:38 AM
		To:	'MOLers'
		Subject:	[MOL] joke 2

		MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS

		1.  Never take a beer to a job interview.
		2.  Always identify people in your yard before shooting at
them.
		3.  It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
[[[note: unless you
		bring something for the pastor! joicy]]]
		4.  If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the
sheets.
		5.  Even if you're certain that you are included in the
will, it is still
		considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

		DINING OUT
		1.  When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper
cup, and pour
		slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
		2.  If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it
with your
		fingers covering the label.

		ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
		1.  A centerpiece for the table should never be anything
prepared by a
		taxidermist.
		2.  Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how
good his
		manners are.

		PERSONAL HYGIENE
		1.  While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job
that should be
		done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
		2.  Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for
several days.
		However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good
money.
		3.  Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no,
as they tend to
		detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger
foods.

		DATING (Outside the Family)

		1.  Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the
first date.
		2.  Be aggressive.  Let her know you're interested: "I've
been wanting to go
		out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall
two years ago."
		3.  Establish with her parents what time she is expected
back.  Some will
		say
		10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the
answer, it is the
		man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

		THEATER ETIQUETTE
		1.  Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
immediately
		after the movie has ended.
		2.  Refrain from talking to characters on the screen.  Tests
have proven
		they can't hear you.

		WEDDINGS
		1.  Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
		2.  Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you
shot.
		3.  For the groom, at least, rent a tux.  A leisure suit
with a cummerbund
		and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
		4.  Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for
this special
		occasion.

		DRIVING ETIQUETTE
		1.  Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if
the gun is loaded,
		and the deer is in sight.
		2.  When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
largest tires
		always has the right of way.
		3.  Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
		4.  When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it
is impolite to
		ask her to bring back beer.
		5.  Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral
procession.
	
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