I
understand where you are coming from. I have been ignoring a lot of the bad
behavior. Any time an individual brings in a third party in a conflict between
two people it becomes dysfunctional unless the third party is a trained
therapist or negotiator. The three then become what is known
as the Karpman triangle. The victim, the persecutor and the Rescuer. The role
continue to change at the language of miss communication continues. As more
people are added to the conflict they start to take up teams and also switch
team as the language continues.
SOUND LIKE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL OR AND ALCOHOLIC
FAMILY SYSTEM? YOU ARE RIGHT. IT IS.
Assertive communication should
be the rule here if you have a conflict or are confused about something talk
with the individual directly about your confusion. Do not drag any one else into
it. That only increased the confusion and led to very hurt feelings that are not
necessary. Think before write your questions the simple wording a a
Question can mean the difference between loosing a friend and gaining
information with out hurt.
Remember we are all part of Gods
light. Would you speak to God as you speak to others? Are your words spoken in a
manner to bring greater light to the sprit of God in each of us?
Understand that all the Individual here are under a great deal of stress.
When anyone who is under the type of stress we've been under at one time or
anouther will not react or think with the clarity. Make amends for
being human. Admit that there was a better way of dealing with the problem.
Forgive. Every one goofed up pay attention to the process of communication and
you will understand what happened. If your are insecure
about your questions and need further clarity that you would want to discuss it
with some one else prior to approaching the person directly. You are probably
not in the right place to deal with the problem at all Take it in to silence and
Pray for guidance. If you still need assistance with decrement of the issues
make sure the individual you speak to will be there to help you thing your
question thorough. . To discern why the question is so important for you to
ask. (Is the concern from ego or a controlling place
or a place centered in the light of God.) This person should also be able
to assist you to find the best words to speak.
There is a wise
old alanon saying Principles above personalities.
Personally
I have been grieving the communication that has been
going on. Yet I know that I am far from perfect and get involved in issues that
are personal to be with out thinking things though also. I pray that I will do
it less in the future.
I signed off the list for a while. I
know several other people did too. I signed back on, I guess in part,
out of curiosity, and in part, out of dissatisfaction with what else is on
the web that purports to be for similar things to what I felt, used to go on
here.
Everything was so quiet for a long while, that I
wrote to inquire whether there was anyone left on the list. I saw that
86 people were still on the list and was trying to get someone to
talk.
I am not feeling as upset as I was, but I would like to
see certain things happen. I think Lil and Nancy owe everyone an
apology for sending mail privately to others, which attempted to make each
other look bad. I also got a post which was sent privately by lil to
someone else...from that person to Nanc and then to me. I think
sending other peoples' private correspondence with you or anybody else,
ought to be frowned on.
I know I've been away, and perhaps have missed out on some
discussion, but Nanc, if you owe Nisi some money, I would like to know
that it is in the mail--however small the amount may be. I sent you a
present because Don was sick again and I wanted to cheer you up. I
sent Kathy some flowers when she was in the hospital because I wanted to
cheer her up. I never asked anyone for any money even though I assumed
that everyone on the list shared my wishes. (And that was not because
I have a lot of money.)
Nancy, I think you owe us a special apology for trying to
hold everyone hostage about the web page. I think you should put it
back up and write to at least 3 people about how you do it, and how to
maintain it.
Lillian, you can't say not to talk about these
things. You already have talked about these things to Nancy and I
presume to Nisi. You made a decision not to tell the rest of us...you
kind of made a decision---I am the adult and you guys are the kids...but we
are not kids.
Well, this is what I think, should be done. If it
has already been done, I'd appreciate getting sent a copy of the
post.
Hoping to come back, and see clarified relationships
between a group of adults, I am,
