Re: [MOL] Gill & Martha [01104] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Gill & Martha



I am hoping and praying for Carole's recovery but in the meantime, I agree
with Martha, you have to continue to do all you can for her sake.My Mother
died of cancer in 1985. I was young and knew nothing about cancer. In
retrospect, If I knew then what I know now, I would have been a lot more
assertive and demanding with the doctors.I was going to bring her home with
me to care for but was dissuaded against it. I have regretted it ever
since. We tend to regret the things we never did rather than the things we
did do.  I don't know what is right for your situation, I just hope you can
find peace and the right path.

Christine

At 01:59 PM 22/08/99 -0700, you wrote:
>Dear Gill,
>
>I agree with Lillian.  It would be better, if possible, for her to get out
>of there.  Mostly when someone I loved was really sick, I pretty much, fell
>apart.  This was not very useful.   It is such a painful thing to see; maybe
>her husband just can't bear the thought of her being at home.
>There are so many different competing thoughts...it's so hard to figure what
>to do.
>
>Often, you figure, the person is better off in the hospital.  If God knows
>what happens, they can take care of it; what do I know.  Hospitals and
>doctors do, unfortunately, not treat everyone like we would want our loved
>ones treated; they often try harder when they feel there is more chance of
>success, overlooking a goodly number of people who still have the potential
>for healing.
>
>My mother died of cancer in 1991.  She died at home.  It was a comfortable
>home, but it was not as  I would have wanted, in retrospect.  There was
>someone who came in to help out my father.  Still, there was no hospice
>coming to the house...they have that in the States, Gill, and I'm sure in UK
>too.  She wasn't comfortable.  She was in pain.  She wasn't at peace.
>
>I don't know, if I was the person then, that I am now, if I could go back
>and rectify all this.
>
>I just pass it along.
>
>Lots of love, prayers, and goods wishes to you both,
>
>Martha
>
>P.S.:  I am reading over your post.  Another thing I probably wouldn't have
>had the guts to do for my mom back then, that it sounds like you should do
>for Carole, is go to the administrators of that hospital and raise hell.
>There treatment is not acceptable.
>
>Raise hell about her getting out of there, anyway she can...hospice or home.
>Don't mince words and don't be polite...don't be put off..."oh, we are
>working on it.."
>
>Find a lawyer...maybe a friend of a friend.  Go to the administrator and
>tell them there's this really close friend of the family....he doesn't
>understand what's taking so long to get my sister out of here...can you call
>up this friend and explain it to them...You'll see their little hearts start
>to quake.  Raise hell with her husband too if you think it's warranted.
>
>P.P.S.:  Of course, I can't speak about the medical part...but it would be
>only natural to be depressed.  What about an antidepressant?  And what does
>the hospital propose to do about her not eating?
>
>I'm not sure, if this all would constitute negligence in the States, but
>it's starting to sound like it to me.  Whejn you talk to the doctor and the
>administrator, I would use phrases like "your negligent treatment of my
>sister."
>
>I don't know...maybe it's just me.  I've just dealt with so much crap from
>doctors and hospitals over the past 20 years.  Sometimes I think about what
>will happen if I need major surgery again.  I think about talking to the
>doctor before I go in, taking him by the collar and saying..."see this
>man"...(point to my husband)..."you better do a good job or he'll make sure
>that from now on you and a dollar have only the slightest acquaintance"
>
>I guess it's good that I'm feeling pretty well!!!
>
>>
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