Re: [MOL] Gill ! for lillian [00946] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Gill ! for lillian



Dear Gill,

I agree with Lillian.  It would be better, if possible, for her to get out
of there.  Mostly when someone I loved was really sick, I pretty much, fell
apart.  This was not very useful.   It is such a painful thing to see; maybe
her husband just can't bear the thought of her being at home.
There are so many different competing thoughts...it's so hard to figure what
to do.

Often, you figure, the person is better off in the hospital.  If God knows
what happens, they can take care of it; what do I know.  Hospitals and
doctors do, unfortunately, not treat everyone like we would want our loved
ones treated; they often try harder when they feel there is more chance of
success, overlooking a goodly number of people who still have the potential
for healing.

My mother died of cancer in 1991.  She died at home.  It was a comfortable
home, but it was not as  I would have wanted, in retrospect.  There was
someone who came in to help out my father.  Still, there was no hospice
coming to the house...they have that in the States, Gill, and I'm sure in UK
too.  She wasn't comfortable.  She was in pain.  She wasn't at peace.

I don't know, if I was the person then, that I am now, if I could go back
and rectify all this.

I just pass it along.

Lots of love, prayers, and goods wishes to you both,

Martha

P.S.:  I am reading over your post.  Another thing I probably wouldn't have
had the guts to do for my mom back then, that it sounds like you should do
for Carole, is go to the administrators of that hospital and raise hell.
There treatment is not acceptable.

Raise hell about her getting out of there, anyway she can...hospice or home.
Don't mince words and don't be polite...don't be put off..."oh, we are
working on it.."

Find a lawyer...maybe a friend of a friend.  Go to the administrator and
tell them there's this really close friend of the family....he doesn't
understand what's taking so long to get my sister out of here...can you call
up this friend and explain it to them...You'll see their little hearts start
to quake.  Raise hell with her husband too if you think it's warranted.

P.P.S.:  Of course, I can't speak about the medical part...but it would be
only natural to be depressed.  What about an antidepressant?  And what does
the hospital propose to do about her not eating?

I'm not sure, if this all would constitute negligence in the States, but
it's starting to sound like it to me.  Whejn you talk to the doctor and the
administrator, I would use phrases like "your negligent treatment of my
sister."

I don't know...maybe it's just me.  I've just dealt with so much crap from
doctors and hospitals over the past 20 years.  Sometimes I think about what
will happen if I need major surgery again.  I think about talking to the
doctor before I go in, taking him by the collar and saying..."see this
man"...(point to my husband)..."you better do a good job or he'll make sure
that from now on you and a dollar have only the slightest acquaintance"

I guess it's good that I'm feeling pretty well!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Lillian <firefly@islc.net>
To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
Date: Sunday, August 22, 1999 9:40 AM
Subject: Re: [MOL] Gill ! for lillian


>Gill, this is not good, is there anyway she could come to your home?  Do
you
>have visiting nurses over there?  Do you have someone who could come in for
>a few hour's to help you out?  Sometimes hospitals can make people sick and
>over here some hospitals don't even insist that you eat, don't help with a
>shower or give a sponge bath, let alone getting your teeth done.  I am
>asking you to tell me more about your situation and perhaps I can point you
>into some direction to help you out.  She needs fresh air, touched with a
>tinge of sun, to hear the birds and smell the flowers......write me as soon
>as you can so I can get busy and put my thinking cap on.  Do you work?  How
>many in your household, young children?  Extra bedroom, these are the
things
>I need to know to think just for our Gill and Carol.  Love you, lillian
>
>
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: <GILLIAN52@AOL.COM>
>To: <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
>Sent: Sunday, August 22, 1999 8:39 AM
>Subject: Re: [MOL] Gill ! for lillian
>
>
>> Hi friend
>>
>> Carole is not doing too well at the moment, she is keeping upset because
>she
>> can't come home and there is still no room in the local hospice.  I don't
>> know if she has had another brain bleed or whether she has just given up,
>she
>> is making no attempt to eat or do anything for herself now and she just
>seems
>> to stare at you, I don't even know if she can see me properly as far as
>the
>> hospital is concerned, they have done the treatment and there is nothing
>else
>> they can do but they don't supply physiotherapy or any stimulation and
>Carole
>> is beginning to talk even less, if it wasn't for the fact that I make her
>I
>> don't think she'd bother at all.  I pray all the time, I go to sleep
>thinking
>> of her and wake up in the early hours still thinking of her.  I don't
know
>> what is going on in her mind and that troubles me I would love her to
come
>> home until there is room in the hospice but that is her husband's
decision
>to
>> take.  Thank you for being there.
>> Love Gill
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