Dear Martha: I was peeking in again, and I'm so terribly sorry, but your description of your father made me laugh. I know that's not very nice, but it did -- especially the part about him ogling your neighbor and pinching butts in the nursing home. If you keep writing funny stuff like that, you're not going to get much sympathy, although I know it's very serious to you, and I really don't take it lightly. He must drive you nuts! I take Paxil, too, Marth, and I certainly don't feel like a zombie. I feel like you do -- that it helps me cope with things, and to enjoy the positive feelings I want to and put the negative feelings in perspective -- something like that. I remember Allen Sherman very well. Here's another one: "Ignoramus, there you are, sitting in your hopped-up car, and your grades aren't up to par, and your ears stick out too far."
I've missed you, Love, Kathy
[mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]On Behalf Of NLPOST@AOL.COM
Sent: Thursday, August 12, 1999 9:07 AM
Subject: Re: [MOL] Anger/back to Martha
WEW!!!! What a head full,
I sure am glad that you got that all out. You know when my Father acted like
that I just made jokes with him and we had the best time and laughed bunches,
I just loved him dearly. If he would start to make a fool of himself, or
about to say something not so nice to someone I would goose him and devert
his attention, I never ever got upset with him. I just had fun with him. He
had Alhimers(spelling#@%$()*) oh well! Lighten up and try it, it just may
help you and your father have a beautiful relationship. When he pinched your
arm or shook it and asked why you hadn't invited him for dinner, you could
have responded, and let your arm look like that? I love you to much for
that, hahaha. or you want me to make you unhealthy too......he is old and
some day we are all going to be there to, so make light of it. He needs your
attention, give him some, it may help to turn things around and make him a
bit more enjoyable. Just remember negative brings out the negative of
others, so keep a smile of your face and a light heart. Uh ha!!! I need to
take heart to my advice to you, right? Maybe that is why you wrote this
post, you made me realize what I have been acting like, I think I need to
take a differen approch to my problem here, I'll let you know how it works
out. Thanks sweety.
I just got my CD working last night so I am going to lisson to your take in a
few, and thank you for thinking of me with the books too.
Mom (Nanc) ():-)
In a message dated 8/12/99 2:25:31 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
As I think I mentioned, my mom passed away. My dad is still alive. He
lives in a condo, about a mile away. He takes care of himself...sort of. I
don't know what to do with him. He calls my husband at work....sometimes 3-4
times a day. He calls to tell him stuff like, "so, how come you go to so
many meetings...what do you do in those meetings."
On the weekends, he drops over all the time. He ogles my nextdoor
neighbor, who I don't particularly like. Tony, my husband, has told him,
sometimes to shut up, but he doesn't listen and goes on saying disgusting
things. He will call, on the weekend, if he's not over and be aggravated if
we don't tell him every move we make...out to the store (what store?)...when
back from the store, etc.
The other day he was over. He jiggled the fat on my upper arm and then
complained why I don't invite him over to dinner more often.
When he calls and asks where we went, I always have this urge to say we were
at this fantastic party. There were people there our age and your age. We
thought of inviting you, but purposefully decided not to do it.
He has cataracts...I think one eye is much worse than the other. He has
told me that in his last visit to the eye doctor he was told that in his bad
eye, his vision had declined to the point where he would not pass a motor
vehicle test. Needless to say, we have been encouraging him to get the
surgery. He always comes up with excuses...I think he is just basically
I have thought what to do about this. I even called the police, without
giving my name and asked their advice. The fellow I talked to didn't seem
like he ever had someone call and ask him what to do in this sort of
situation. He said that the police would refer him to Motor Vehicles. I
haven't done anything. I'm sort of scared. I think he would know it was me
and would be so mad.
I do admire you Nanc, and so many caretakers I've met and wrote to on this
list for all you do. Also, I know that the most likely person to need
caretaking in my life, i.e., my father, I could never take care of. Tony and
I don't know what exactly would happen if he becomes unable to take care of
himself...although I guess he would be in a nursing home, pinching the nurses
and in general, making a reputation for himself as the biggest pain in the
butt in the facility.
I don't know why I'm telling you all this stuff...Maybe I just had to get it
off my chest. I know my antidepressant helps a lot. Xanax is addictive, I
think..maybe Paxil or Zoloft. But don't listen to me...talk to a good
Depression does run in my family...well on one side. Have you guessed which
side...? It's not my mother's. It helps me to be more calm and not to
worry so much...That's all. No zombie stuff. Also, I think it helps me see
things more practically. Sometimes it drives my husband crazy when we're
having an argument, because I'm always right. YEAH, ME!!!!!!!!!!!!(arm pump)
I hope that'll help Don. I think you said that your son is coming to live
with you...maybe I heard wrong...I don't know. But the other thing it sounds
like you may need is somebody that can get between you and Don on occasion.
Please take care of yourself because we love you very much.
P.S.: With my antidepressant, (Paxil), which helps me not worry so much
about cancer, I also am freed up to experience much more deeply, prayer,
meditation, and positive visualization about things like staying
P.P.S.: I'm not sure, but I think I sent you a genuine Allen Sherman
tape...he was the guy that wrote and sang that song about Camp Grenada...you
know, "Hello Mudda...Hello Fadda...etc., etc. I hope you listen
tomorrow...at least maybe it'll make you smile >>
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