[MOL] Anger [00498] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] Anger



Dear Nanc:
 
As I think I mentioned, my mom passed away.  My dad is still alive.  He lives in a condo, about a mile away.  He takes care of himself...sort of.  I don't know what to do with him.  He calls my husband at work....sometimes 3-4 times a day.   He calls to tell him stuff like, "so, how come you go to so many meetings...what do you do in those meetings."
 
On the weekends, he drops over all the time.   He ogles my nextdoor neighbor, who I don't particularly like.  Tony, my husband, has told him, sometimes to shut up, but he doesn't listen and goes on saying disgusting things.  He will call, on the weekend, if he's not over and be aggravated if we don't tell him every move we make...out to the store (what store?)...when back from the store, etc.
 
The other day he was over.  He jiggled the fat on my upper arm and then complained why I don't invite him over to dinner more often. 
 
When he calls and asks where we went, I always have this urge to say we were at this fantastic party.  There were people there our age and your age.  We thought of inviting you, but purposefully decided not to do it.
 
He has cataracts...I think one eye is much worse than the other.  He has told me that in his last visit to the eye doctor he was told that in his bad eye, his vision had declined to the point where he would not pass a motor vehicle test.  Needless to say, we have been encouraging him to get the surgery.  He always comes up with excuses...I think he is just basically scared.
 
I have thought what to do about this.  I even called the police, without giving my name and asked their advice.  The fellow I talked to didn't seem like he ever had someone call and ask him what to do in this sort of situation.  He said that the police would refer him to Motor Vehicles.  I haven't done anything.  I'm sort of scared.  I think he would know it was me and would be so mad.
 
I do admire you Nanc, and so many caretakers I've met and wrote to on this list for all you do.  Also, I know that the most likely person to need caretaking in my life, i.e., my father, I could never take care of.  Tony and I don't know what exactly would happen if he becomes unable to take care of himself...although I guess he would be in a nursing home, pinching the nurses and in general, making a reputation for himself as the biggest pain in the butt in the facility.
 
I don't know why I'm telling you all this stuff...Maybe I just had to get it off my chest.  I know my antidepressant helps a lot.  Xanax is addictive, I think...maybe Paxil or Zoloft.  But don't listen to me...talk to a good psychiatrist.  
 
Depression does run in my family...well on one side.  Have you guessed which side...?  It's not my mother's.   It helps me to be more calm and not to worry so much...That's all.  No zombie stuff.  Also, I think it helps me see things more practically.  Sometimes it drives my husband crazy when we're having an argument, because I'm always right.  YEAH, ME!!!!!!!!!!!!(arm pump)
 
I hope that'll help  Don.  I think you said that your son is coming to live with you...maybe I heard wrong...I don't know.  But the other thing it sounds like you may need is somebody that can get between you and Don on occasion.  
 
Please take care of yourself because we love you very much.
 
Your daughter,
 
Martha
 
P.S.:  With my antidepressant, (Paxil), which helps me not worry so much about cancer, I also am freed up to experience much more deeply, prayer, meditation, and positive visualization about things like staying well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
P.P.S.:  I'm not sure, but I think I sent you a genuine Allen Sherman tape...he was the guy that wrote and sang that song about Camp Grenada...you know, "Hello Mudda...Hello Fadda...etc., etc.  I hope you listen tomorrow...at least maybe it'll make you smile.