> Subject: HUMOR; Doctor's Note on Patient's Charts - Actual Notes
> Unedited
>
> thought some our many Solo 'medical' folks might get a chuckle from
> this one. BK
>
> DOCTORS' NOTES ON PATIENT'S CHARTS: (ACTUAL NOTES UNEDITED!)
>
> 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
> 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd
> day it disappeared completely.
> 3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her
> husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
> 4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began
> seeing me in 1993.
> 5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She
> also appears to be depressed.
> 6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
> 7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male,
> mentally alert but forgetful.
> 8. The patient refused an autopsy.
> 9. The patient has no past history of suicides.
> 10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another
> hospital.
> 11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably
> insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the
> past three days.
> 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
> 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get
> this lady pregnant.
> 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I
> thought you might like to work her up.
> 15. She is numb from her toes down.
> 16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
> 17. The skin was moist and dry.
> 18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
> 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
> 20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
> 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life,
> until she got a divorce.
> 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical
> therapy.
> 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
> 24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
> 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
> 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a
> job as a stockbroker instead.
> 27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
> 28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
> 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should
> sit on the abdomen and I agree.
> 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
> 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
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