Good morning, folks. Hope you haven't seen these. They're hysterical.
From: Jo Price
Sent: Friday, July 30, 1999 8:08 AM
To: Bobbie Mead; Kathy Corrigan
Subject: FW: These are our kids
From: Deb Carlson
Sent: Friday, July 30, 1999 8:07 AM
To: Kristine Thomsen; Jo Price; Lin Dillehay
Subject: FW: These are our kids
What a good laugh.
Subj: These are from 16 year old students
These wonderful misunderstandings and misspellings of our 16-year-olds were compiled by examiners nationwide. Laugh on:
Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they wrote in hydraulics. The climate of the Sarah is such the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book - Guinessis - Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?"
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits and threw the java.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems, verses and literature.
Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". When she exposed herself before her troops, they shouted "Hurrah."
Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure. He invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100ft clipper.
The greatest writer was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday.
He wrote tragedies, comedies and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. John Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when apples are falling off the trees.
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic.
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music.
The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
Abraham Lincoln's mother died in infancy and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.