You may be a redneck if:
1. The neighbors start a petition over your Christmas lights;
2. You've been too drunk to fish;
3. Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan;
4. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge;
5. "Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking brake
set? is what you hear before you and your wife/girlfriend make love.
6. You've ever used a weedeater indoors;
7. Your front porch collapses and kills more than 3 dogs;
8. more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War
General;
9. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains;
10. You have a hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car;
11. You mow your lawn and find a car;
12. You've ever made change in the offering plate;
13. Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling
the state trooper to kiss her ass;
14. Fewer than 1/2 your cars run;
15. You think that beef jerky and moon pies are two of the major food
groups; and
16. You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
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