Re: [MOL] Marty, this is hard to say... [01123] Medicine On Line


[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]

Re: [MOL] Marty, this is hard to say...



Dear Marty,
As you and Barb head to the doctor my prayers and thoughts are with you. 
Debby

Joicy wrote:
> 
> Dear Marty, I know that more than anything you are trying to do the
> "right thing." And all of us and our ways of coping are very different,
> so I have struggled with how much I should say of what is in my heart
> right now. But speaking as a woman who has fought this cancer monster,
> if my husband got information from the doctor and did not tell me, no
> matter how well-intentioned he might be, it would deeply undermine my
> ability to trust him about the future. If he told me "all was well"
> later on -- knowing that he had kept information from me in the past --
> well, I would always be wondering what he was keeping from me. Even if
> the news was good, I would be doubtful that it was true. In the back of
> my mind I would always wonder if information was being withheld.
> 
> It would also set up a new "rule" between us -- that it is "not ok" to
> talk about bad news; that either he thought I was too weak to be able to
> deal with it (which I would find insulting) or he was too weak to deal
> with it. And the latter would then make me feel as if I had to protect
> HIM. Any way you look at it, what may seem like a selfless act could
> really backfire on you both.
> 
> However long God may give you both, odds are that Barb will go first.
> And as her time approaches, whenever it is, she will need to be able to
> say whatever is on her mind. Please don't set up a situation where hope
> is confused with denial, where she can't share the difficult with the
> good.
> 
> Please, please reconsider your decision. There is something very
> powerful and loving even in sharing bad news together and in grieving it
> together. Please don't continue the charade unless she has indicated in
> the past that she expects this from you. Also be aware that she may, in
> her heart of hearts, already know; this may not be the surprise you
> think it is.
> 
> Again, I know we are all different, but I had to say this, for what it's
> worth. I hope I have not hurt you or offended you; it was not my intent.
> It is not defeat or giving up to look the demons square in the eye, my
> friend. Love to you both, Joicy
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
> This is an automatically-generated notice.  If you'd like to be removed
> from the mailing list, please visit the Medicine-On-Line Discussion Forum
> at <http://www.meds.com/con_faq.html>, or send an email message to:
> majordomo@lists.meds.com
> with the subject line blank and the body of the message containing the line:
> unsubscribe mol-cancer your-email-address
> where the phrase your-email-address is replaced with your actual email
> address.
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an automatically-generated notice.  If you'd like to be removed
from the mailing list, please visit the Medicine-On-Line Discussion Forum
at <http://www.meds.com/con_faq.html>, or send an email message to:
majordomo@lists.meds.com
with the subject line blank and the body of the message containing the line:
unsubscribe mol-cancer your-email-address
where the phrase your-email-address is replaced with your actual email
address.
------------------------------------------------------------------------