Re: [MOL] Some Disturbing News [01024] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Some Disturbing News



Dear Lil,

YOu and Joicy, just hit on something that I have thought and continue to
think of this entire weekend. The inevitability that she will be told by
her Doc and the effect it will have on her emotions. I cry within each
moment I think of this and probably it would have been better off if I
had not found out sooner. I was so sure, as you were and the Doctor was,
that this was going to work. It had before two years ago. Can't say what
chemotherapy might work. But I just know that something out there,
whatever it might be will work. YOu know me. We have to keep going and
prodding and researching and trying until we find something's that do
work. I will be attending a great support group this coming Wed night as
Dr. Nagourney will be there. And I will call many of the immune therapy
clinics to get consultation to find something more progressive than the
Livingston Foundation. And, I will be making appointments with two
Doctors, one Medical Oncologist and One Gynecological oncologist for 2nd
opinions, once I get all lab test results after Monday. Just need to
keep going. Need to smile, when its so hard, need to keep her happy,
when I am....darn. Forget me. Anyway, thank you dear heart and all. I
know its not easy for anyone, but your prayers, your thoughts, keep me
and I know Barb spiritually in tune so that we look for those blessings,
from God, that will be so very key in being well. I pray so darn hard
for that. there isn't amoment  that goes by where I am asking God, to
give me the answer, a sign, that will signal a means that will help
Barb. AGain, thank you dear heart. WE love you.

God Bless,
marty

Lillian wrote:
> 
> Dear Marty:  Just read your message on Barb and fell over backwards.  I was
> so sure this was going to work.  Do you think if they had used another chemo
> it would have been better?  I would not want to be standing in the same room
> with you when she finds this out, it would be too heart breaking for me to
> know ahead of time and pretend I did not know.  The upside is that you will
> have yourself prepared, my prayers always, love, lillian
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Martin Auslander <fitecancer@earthlink.net>
> To: mol cancer <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
> Date: Friday, June 18, 1999 6:50 AM
> Subject: [MOL] Some Disturbing News
> 
> >Barb just completed her third round of Topotecan a chemotherapy. We were
> >so very sure this was going to drive down the tumor marker and rid her
> >of cancer cells.
> >
> >Our Oncologist had Barb take a tumor marker, a blood DNA test to
> >determine status of malignancy and results of what the chemotherapy is
> >accomplishing and the test results would be consulted with the
> >Oncologist on Monday the 21st. Since I know some of the hospital staff,
> >I had them peak in their computers for me while Barb was in
> >chemotherapy. I was very anxious to learn the results before Monday when
> >we see her Oncologist. I learned that the marker significantly rose to
> >118 from 91 rather than go down as we had hoped. I did not tell Barb and
> >will not tell Barb of this, alarming results as I want her to have a
> >great weekend. Finally she is getting the shunt/heparin lock out of her
> >hand so that she can move both hands and then I took her out to her
> >favorite restaurant and last night she was so involved in her hobby and
> >this weekend we will have a great time. No need to tell her and I don't
> >think its right. The Doctor may have some other thoughts why tumor
> >marker is going up and may suggest another chemotherapy. I don't know. I
> >just don't understand why the chemotherapy did not work this time. I can
> >only tell you that, I am, yes I am anxious and will dig way down deep to
> >make certain that Barb is kept happy and that I show no anxiety that
> >will suggest otherwise to her.
> >
> >I wanted to share this with you. I am calm. I am collected. I am praying
> >like heck. I am also printing out many areas of alternative and other
> >areas of information that will help me, or us, after Monday that might
> >suggest another means for helping her overcome her disease. I am getting
> >so angry at this disease that it makes me more determined. I hope to
> >God, Barb will feel similarly when she hears the news on MOnday.
> >
> >Wish I could  be the bearer of better news. I can't.
> >
> >HOpe you and your family live life each day to the fullest, as we are in
> >light of these issues. That is the truth. Each day we try to spend each
> >moment, each minute in love and spiritual splendor. Its therapy, and
> >there is a time and place for everything, so we make the best of what we
> >need to do, and we will keep fighting. All I ask is pray for Barb. She
> >does not deserve this.
> >
> >I will keep you posted once we speak to her Oncologist on Monday. I hate
> >to be in Barbs shoes when he tells her the news. But, I will always be
> >by her side.  She said to me yesterday "I just know my marker will be
> >going down, when all along I knew it had progressed." I told her, you
> >look great and beautiful". From the deepest part of me....I whispered to
> >myself....we will beat this damn thing. And I smiled at her the entire
> >time so that she knows that she is beating this.
> >
> >Take care and love to you and all,
> >marty auslander
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