S P O R T S "G E N I U S E S" & Variations on Murphy's Law
Chicago Cubs outfielder, Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want
all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to
copulate me."
Football commentator and former NFL player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody
in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman
Einstein."
Clemson University recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a
freshman because of academic requirements: "I play football. I'm not
trying to be a professor."
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a
color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how
to spell my name, I can still find my @$#&%@ clothes."
Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his
visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we
went to."
Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his teams 7-27 record:
"We can't seem to win at home. We can't win on the road. As general
manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to
coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's
expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an Uncle or an
Aunt."
Tommy Lasorda, Los Angeles Dodgers manager, when asked what terms
Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in
his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back."
Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling 'Gator fans that a fire
at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy
was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him,
'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said,
'Coach, I don't know and I don't care."'
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
God Bless All
marty auslander
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