It seems your plate is just
about as full as it can get.. but take heart, your boys do not sound so very
unusual...
Typical teenage stuff. hope that all smoothes out soon
for you.. so you can concentrate on your very own health...
I admire you for the way you continually look for new paths in
your cure... you have a lot of inner strength. Where is your surgery going
to take place and what kind of surgery?
I, too, feel the same way, there is so many people that
depend on me daily, it is hard to find time to visualize, research, and think of
my own health. Maybe God realizes that and just works some things out for us, I
hope. I have a daughter that is going thru a divorce (not her choice - she
is a church member and has three girls but her husband wants to play), so she
needs emotional support and help with her kids, then my other daughter is doing
fine with her family, but she still likes my advice and time (she is 25), my
husband, my poor, poor sick sister that is in a very bad situation, and my
job. If you write that book, it would probably make you some money, there
is no time to be sick sometimes!
Take Care of yourself. In reading all the series that
have recently been posted - it seems if our defenses get weak, the cancer can
play havoc.
I pray God sends angels to protect you on this
journey.
Dearest Carla, Nanc, PJ, Joicy, Gwen, Marty and
Auntie Lil....thank you all for your prayers, support, encouragement and
positive thoughts...These past days have been very stressful...I'm the type
that once I make a decision, I'll go with it and be OK....but during the
research gathering phase, I'm like a Tasmanian devil.....and that's where
I'm at right now. I went to the Bahamas and back - a real long day -
left at 6 am. and returned at midnight - for another stem cell
transplant...and have talked and seen at least 8 doctors in the past few
days....as it stands, I'm scheduled for very major surgery on the 27th -
more later....but in between time, am starting an experimental treatment in
Stockbridge GA involving a customized mesothelioma
vaccination/interleukin...I'm also scheduled to do a couple of things
involving ozone and anti oxidants to build my body up before the
surgery. It's sooooo long to go into and it's very late, suffice to
say, the past week has gone by in a blur as I touch bases with doctors all
over the world as I try to decide what to do next. The tumor is
growing very aggressively lately, and it's tough to make life altering
decisions when one is depleted of energy and in pain. But I know I
must keep going....I have to be very honest in that I'm having a very hard
time being a mother to teenagers as I try to make very big decisions.
Both my sons have been suspended from school this week, which has made it
that much more stressful. I do not know to what point the situation is
getting to them too, but the bottom line is that trying to deal with school
administrators as I deal with the rest is stressful. Stephen was
suspended for leaving school last week to go to Mrs. Winner's to get lunch
skipping his Ecology Class and breaking the school rule regarding leaving
school property during school hours..his argument was that he was hungry and
he had 98 in this class...bottom line, he broke a school rule and he was
suspended for 2 days. Scott was suspended for 5 days because he and 9
other kids went to watch a potential fist fight between 2 kids as a result
of some argument on a school bus....the fight never took place...none of
them should have been there to begin with, but the mother of one of the boys
who was going to fight reported all the witnesses and they've all been
charged with intimidation and potential gang activity. I know I need
to concentrate all my energy in healing...and believe this is possible with
faith and conviction. at the same time I am expending energy
constantly in crises involving teenagers..I'm ready to just get in my car
and drive to the outer banks of NC, or disappearing somewhere and
concentrating on getting better. I'm having a real hard time dealing
with everyday issues involving finances, kids, job, insurance as I try to
center myself and make very major life-altering decisions...The boys' Dad,
though supportive in many ways, is very "macho" and patronizing
and just portrays an attitude of "there, there, get a good night's
sleep and all will be well in the morning"....he's in total denial as
to the situation. I on the other hand am struggling with doing what I
know I need to do to make it through this cancering journey, yet I'm so
stressed out over just dealing with everyday "stuff" that I'm hard
pressed to concentrate on getting better, also wondering what's the
point. People keep saying to write a book about my experience over
these past couple of years...if I ever do, its title will be "Mothers
just can't have cancer" !!!!!! If I sound major stressed out, I
am....sorry, that's reality. Not feeling sorry for myself or a victim,
but just at the end of my rope. When one takes control of the decision
making process and sets out in search of the unknown when facing a cancer
where doctors keep saying there is nothing that can be done, one also takes
on the added responsibility of making major decisions in a vacuum so to
speak. Over and over I've been told there is nothing that can be done
for mesothelioma. I don't believe this, not because I refuse to learn
what I'm actually dealing with, but because I have tremendous faith both in
God and in the body's ability to heal....but every so often it becomes a
hard and scary thing to do...to keep on searching for ways to keep fighting
even as I question what the purpose for fighting is...in other words,
sometimes the effort feels like it's just not worth the it. I only
have so much energy....it's so depleted right now that it's become a very
uphill struggle. On the one hand trying to keep all the normal balls
(day to day life) juggling in the air, and on the other, continuing my
search for the right combination that will stabilize my tumor again....it's
a very draining process. I'm sorry if I'm rambling - Lil you did christen me
as Rambling Rose....sorry...but you all write such wonderful heartwarming
and loving messages, I did want you to know what was going on. Thanks
for the opportunity to vent. Please pray for strength to keep up the fight
and for guidance to make the right choices. Lil I looked into the
Staten Island radiation and have been told to run a country mile in the
opposite direction - mesothelioma is a very strange cancer, and has a
character all its own from indolent to extremely aggessive.. Radiation in
any form seems to accelerate the process, but thanks for thinking of me.
Every cancer without exception has a genetic component to it....with the
exception of mesothelioma....it is a non-genetic, non-metastasizing,
strictly environmental, very erratic cancer.I may go to Germany for some
experimental treatment...and will probably return to the Bahamas shortly
after surgery too. am starting another experimental
interleukin/macrophage treatment next week....and as I said, I had another
stem cell transplant yesterday...It is so late that I don';t know if I'm
making sense. I just wanted you all to know that you are in my prayers
and thoughts and even if silent, I'm keeping up with angel Moler
news....again, thank you for all your positive words, love and
support. PJ please keep saying the Novenas..all your prayers are very
much appreciated. Love you all very much. Keep in touch. Love.
Cori. Carla - I hope life settles down for you little by little.
Nanc, I hope your pain level has decreased big time. Auntie Lil, I'll
do everything I can to be there in June. Marty - I appreciate the
advice ...every doctor I have seen says I have no choice but to operate
first, and then afterwards concentrate once again on my immune
system...which I will call you about...Joicy thanks for the warm
words...dear sweet PJ - hope Dolly's acidity has improved and tell her I
think of her a lot and do want to go to Fla and meet her and give her a
hug. XXXXX0000000 Cori.
Carla wrote:
Cori,
Nancy just forwarded me your post to me last week... How very
special you are to keep me in your heart and prayers... I am
sending this in hope that you will write me and allow me to share in
what is transpiring with you. I don't know the details, but I most
certainly do want to know that I will keep you lifted in
prayer. We have
often talked in the past here on mol, about not understanding what is
going on and that it is impossible to fully understand why things are
happening to us at a time like this. That is why we
share our faith and belief, that through God all things are
possible. Cori, you know that to be true my friend and I know that
absolutely everyone here is keeping you in their prayers in your time of
need. I just became
catapulted into something that I found myself asking God again..
why? why did this have to happen? Why now?? Why
me?? I think the only answer is that it happened. No
explanations, atleast now anyway. How many times have we all asked
why and how many times have our hearts gone out to eachother when we see
eachother ask this question.. Mine is not even health related..
just marriage related. The only thing I ever came fully to terms with on the cancering
journey is that I was not given cancer as a punishment for my
shortcomings. I have most definitely grown stronger in my belief
that God is of love and we are of God. I am in him and he is in
me. It is so good for me to know that I am not getting what I
earned, but rather that I am covered under
grace. I had a mole
taken off my nose last Friday and I saw a dermatologist. She asked
me very efficiently what I thought caused my cancer. It could have
been any number of things, including the polluted air that we all now
breath, the dilluted soil that we grow our food in, the food from that
soil that we load with chemicals, the animals that we fill with
hormones, the water that we allow companies to dump in and peoples
toilets to flush into and then we "purify" to drink... and so
on and so on... I even told her that it could have been smoking,
but I actually thought that the other things were much
worse.. We will all
know the answer one day, but today we can only fill our minds with
determination, our sub-concious with a positive thought, our heart with
courage and open it all to God and our friends; who will help keep us on
the path of wellness and living a good life today, with joy, hope, love,
laughter and prayer. Cori, you have all
of those things in you and all of us who are there to help you in your
journey. You can live this day in a most magnificent way.
Remember that is all that any of us are capable of living...
today. You are a wonderful woman and loved by many, but you are
first of all a daugther of God and in this is a love and comfort that
surpasses all understanding. Your are also a cancering survivor
today. I pray for you my friend that you are
filled with the greatest sense of comfort and basked in the light of the
certainty of his love for you... I add to that my hugs for
you.. Please write me when you can.. I
really cannot see any posts on mol, unless someone forwards them to me
or writes me direct... I am still at blessu@att.net .. God Bless you
with his love... Carla
