If Men Really Ruled the World:>
> >
> > Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your
call to her real number.
> >
> > Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable >
> response to "I love you."
> >
> > Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
> >
> > When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the
game, > she > would appear in a little box in the corner of the
screen during a > > time-out.
> >
> > Birth control would come in ale or lager.
> >
> > Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL
> team > of your choice.
> >
> > The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
> >
> > "Sorry I'm late, but I got hammered last night" would be an >
acceptable > excuse for tardiness.
> >
> > At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump
out > > your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and
right into > > your car.
> >
> > It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on
horned > > helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
> >
> > Tanks would be far easier to rent.
> >
> > Instead of a beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
> >
> > Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your >
> wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
> >
> > Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only
> occur > in leap years.
> >
> > On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off
to > go > drinking. Mother's Day, too. St. Patrick's Day, however,
would > remain
> exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
> >
> > Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to
the >
> pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
> >
.
y.
> >
> > The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat
the > > losers.
> >
> > The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday
Night > > Football from a Different Camera Angle.
> >
> > It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you
> > returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
> >
> > Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per
year.
> >
> > When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you
responded > > with would actually reduce your fine. As in: > Cop:
"You know how fast > you were going?" > You: "All I know is, I was
spilling my beer all over
> the place." > Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
> >
> > Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."
> >
> > The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.
> >
> > People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
> >
> > Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
> >
> Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of >
conversation.
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