Some of us (especially us
Southerners) have been pretty skeptical of horoscopes through the years, and
in fact it has become pretty obvious that our present astrological signs have
served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When out
driving around one can see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose, even
see a ram. Up the street there may be some twins.
The rest of
these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs
on vacation. There are no lions, or scorpions, not many archers and
no damn water bearers. Virgins? The neighborhood's not crawling
with them either, needless to say. SO what we need here is some
relevance. We need things SOUTHERN we can recognize up there in the night
sky.
OKRA Dec 22 - Jan 20 Although you appear crude, you are
actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An
older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence
everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
CHITLIN Jan 21 - Feb
19 Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times
they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A
chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and
has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be
very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and
this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with
Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls
around.
BOLL WEEVIL Feb 20 - Mar 20 You have an overwhelming
curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel
the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say,
you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody
in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about
it.
MOON PIE Mar 21 - April 20 You're the type that spends a lot of
time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical
appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here.
You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the
idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about
aerobics. Maybe not.
POSSUM APR 21 - May 21 When confronted
with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and
develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so
withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not
psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however,
it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you
over.
CRAWFISH May 22 - June 21 Crawfish is a water sign. If
you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler.
Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the
bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attracted
physically, but you have very, very good heads.
COLLARDS June 22 -
July 23 Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in
the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence
of those around them. Collards make good social workers,
psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if
you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work.
Save yourself a lot of heartache.
CATFISH July 24 - Aug
23 Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one
-- whiskers -- may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are
never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the
clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from
Moon Pies.
GRITS Aug 24 - Sept 23 Your highest aim is to be with
others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of
other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about
joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have
cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere
where they have all these things, that serves you well.
BOILED
PEANUTS Sept 24 - Oct 23 You have a passionate desire to help your fellow
man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved
ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their
criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much
softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody
you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On
the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over
and stop for you.
BUTTER BEAN October 24 - Nov 22 Always invite
a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You,
as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and
you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to
anybody. However, you too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon
Pies.
ARMADILLO Nov 23 - Dec 21 You have a tendency to develop a
tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for
you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are
a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends.
You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost
prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to
marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating
possibility.
