[MOL] Deep Southern Horoscopes Joke [02122] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] Deep Southern Horoscopes Joke




                        Deep  Southern  Horoscopes

Some of us (especially us Southerners) have been pretty skeptical of
horoscopes through the years, and in fact it has become pretty
obvious that our present astrological signs have served their purpose
and that we should get rid of them.  When out driving around one can
see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose, even see a ram.  Up
the street there may be some twins.

The rest of these things are just too obscure.  You only see crabs on
vacation.  There are no lions, or scorpions, not many archers and no
damn water bearers.  Virgins? The neighborhood's not crawling with
them either, needless to say. SO what we need here is some relevance.
We need things SOUTHERN we can recognize up there in the night sky.


OKRA
Dec 22 - Jan 20
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside.
Okra have tremendous influence.  An older Okra can look back over his
life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere.  Stay away from
Moon Pies.

CHITLIN
Jan 21 - Feb 19
Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds.  Many times they're
uncomfortable talking about just where they came from.  A chitlin,
however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has
plenty of seasoning.  When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very
careful.  Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this
can make for a really terrible mess.  Chitlins are best with Catfish
and Okra.  Remember that when marriage time rolls around.

BOLL WEEVIL
Feb 20 - Mar 20
You have an overwhelming curiosity.  You're unsatisfied with the
surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the
interior of everything.  Needless to say, you are very intense and
driven as if you had some inner hunger.  Nobody in their right mind
is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE
Mar 21 - April 20
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch.  It's a
cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies.  Big and
round are the key words here.  You should marry anybody who you can
get remotely interested in the idea.  It's not going to be easy. This
might be the year to think about aerobics.  Maybe not.

POSSUM
APR 21 - May 21
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked
tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude.
Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead.
This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to
work for you.  One day, however, it won't work and you may find your
problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH
May 22 - June 21
Crawfish is a water sign.  If you work in an office, you're always
hanging around the water cooler.  Crawfish prefer the beach to the
mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living
room.  You tend to be not particularly attracted physically, but you
have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS
June 22 - July 23
Collards have a genius for communication.  They love to get in the
"melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of
those around them.  Collards make good social workers, psychologists,
and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are
Collards, stay away from Moon Pies.  It just won't work.  Save
yourself a lot of heartache.


CATFISH
July 24 - Aug 23
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one --
whiskers -- may cause problems for loved ones.  You catfish are never
easy people to understand.  You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear
surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon
Pies.

GRITS
Aug 24 - Sept 23
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself.  You like to
huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits.  You love to travel
though, so maybe you should think about joining a club.  Where do you
like to go?  Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or
eggs.  If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that
serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS
Sept 24 - Oct 23
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man.  Unfortunately,
those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may
find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism
will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer
than you appear.  You should go right ahead and marry anybody you
want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life.  On the
road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and
stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN
October 24 - Nov 22
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with
everybody.  You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud.  You've grown on
the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting.
You can sit next to anybody.  However, you too, shouldn't have
anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO
Nov 23 - Dec 21
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually
quite gentle. A good evening for you?  Old friends, a fire, some
roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not
concerned with today's fashions and trends.  You're not concerned
with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your
interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another
Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.