An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription
of Viagra. The doctor said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces."
The doctor said, "That won't do you any good."
The elderly gentleman said, "That's alright. I don't need them for sex
anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough
so I don't pee on my shoes."
******************************************************************************
****************
Little Johnny and Susie are only 10 years old, but they just know that
they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to
Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him
and says "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for
her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny,
you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In
Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll
need to support Susie."
Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance - Susie makes 5 bucks a
week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that
should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much
thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with
something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith
says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured
out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two
of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so
far."
******************************************************************************
****************
Doc, I think my son has VD," a patient told his urologist on the phone.
"The only woman he's screwed is our maid."
"Ok, don't be hard on him. He's just a kid," the medic soothed. "Get him
in here right away and I'll take care of him."
"But, Doc. I've been screwing the maid too and I've got the same symptoms
he has."
"Then you come in with him and I'll fix you both up," replied the doctor.
"Well," the man admitted, "I think my wife has it too."
"Aw, no!" the physician roared. "That means we've all got it!"
******************************************************************************
****************
A young lady, having just returned from a great week-long vacation in South
America, walked into the local bank and asked about exchanging currency.
The teller said he would try to help her. After she plopped a huge wad of
bills onto the counter, the teller then counted it, made a phone call, and
returned to count out $27.18.
The wide-eyed woman gasped. "You mean to tell me that's all I get for that
mountain of bills?"
"I'm afraid so Miss." replied the teller, "That's the current rate of
exchange according to our foreign exchange section.
"God!" she hissed, "and I gave that cheap S.O.B. breakfast, too!"
******************************************************************************
****************
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