RE: [MOL] Fwd: [Fwd: Church Bulletin Bloopers] [01827] Medicine On Line


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RE: [MOL] Fwd: [Fwd: Church Bulletin Bloopers]



Title: RE: [MOL] Fwd: [Fwd: Church Bulletin Bloopers]

Betty:  I laughed til it hurt!!!! Kathy

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Subject: [MOL] Fwd: [Fwd: Church Bulletin Bloopers]






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Subject: Fwd: [Fwd: Church Bulletin Bloopers]
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In a message dated 3/29/99 4:33:13 PM Central Standard Time, cdavid@gte.net
writes:

<<
 These are a hoot!
 
 These are actual passages pulled from actual church bulletins:
 
 1) Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
 
 2) Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
 
 3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
 
 4) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
 downstairs.
 
 5) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David
 Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
 
 6) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of
 the church.  Children will be baptized at both ends.
 
 7) Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social.  All ladies giving
 milk will please come early.
 
 8) Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing
 "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
 
 9) Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club.  All
 wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private
 study.
 
 10) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mr. Vassilas to come forward and
 lay an egg on the altar.
 
 11) The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water."  One of the ladies
 will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.
 
 12) Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of
 the new carpet.  All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will
come
 forward and get a piece of paper.
 
 13) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they
 may be seen in the church basement Friday.
 
 14) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
 Music will follow.
 
 15) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
 Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
 
 16) Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
 Please use large double door at the side entrance.
 
 17) The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
 
 18) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
 
 19) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several
 new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
 
 20) Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
 
 21) The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
 sinning to join the choir.
 
 22) Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing
 for the girth of their first child.
 
 23) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
 recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
       
  >>


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Subject: Church Bulletin Bloopers
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These are a hoot!

These are actual passages pulled from actual church bulletins:

1) Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

2) Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

4) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

5) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David
Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

6) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of
the church.  Children will be baptized at both ends.

7) Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social.  All ladies giving
milk will please come early.

8) Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing
"Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

9) Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club.  All
wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private
study.

10) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mr. Vassilas to come forward and
lay an egg on the altar.

11) The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water."  One of the ladies
will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.

12) Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of
the new carpet.  All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come
forward and get a piece of paper.

13) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they
may be seen in the church basement Friday.

14) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

15) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

16) Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

17) The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

18) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

19) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

20) Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

21) The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.

22) Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing
for the girth of their first child.

23) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
       

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