[MOL] CUTE JOKES PART 5 [01321] Medicine On Line

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Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband
was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.
I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said
sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same
handsome young man I married."

"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you
still look pretty good too!"

An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. "Am I glad to
see you." he said. "I've been lost for three days."

"Don't get too excited friend." the other hunter replied. "I've been
lost for three weeks."

A guy takes his girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.  "Oh,
I really liked it," she said, "but I just couldn't understand though
why they were killing each other for 25 cents." "What do you mean?"
"All they kept screaming was: Get the quarter back!  Get the quarter

A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself.
"You don't have to let your wife bully you," he said. "Go home and
show her you're the boss."

The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went home,
slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled,
"From now on you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now,
and when you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes.
Tonight I am going out with the boys. You are going to stay at home
where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to tie my bow

"I certainly do," screamed the wife, "the undertaker."

An old Indian chief was famous for predicting what the weather would do.
A group of people went up to the chief and asked him, "What will the
weather be like tomorrow?"  The chief replied, "Much rain. Very wet."
The next day, it did rain and it was very wet. Some more people went up
to the chief and asked, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" "Much
snow. Very cold."  Sure enough, it snowed and it was very cold. The next
day, people were so impressed with this, they asked him another time.
  "Chief," they asked, "what will the weather do tomorrow?" The chief
replied, "I dunno. Radio broken."

A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with
his transgression.  In the confessional, he told the priest that he
had sinned.
"What was your sin, my son?," asked the priest.  "I stole some lumber
Father,"replied the penitent.
"How much lumber did you steal?," asked the priest.
"Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse."
The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad."  The penitent
interrupted him,
"Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage."  The priest then
responded, "Now that's a little more serious!"
The penitent again interrupted the priest, "Father, I've got to get
it off my chest.  I built a doghouse, a 4-car garage, and a 5-bedroom
4-bath home!"  With a look of shock, the priest then responded,
"Well, that is most serious.  I'm afraid that you'll have to make a
The penitent looked perplexed and then said, "Father, I don't know
what a novena is, but if you've got the blueprints, I've got the

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the others of
causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building
where they lived.  The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed,
"I'll hear the oldest first."

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

A student was heading home for the holidays.  When she got to the
airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York.  And as she gave
the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to send my
green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."

The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do that."

"Really???  I am so relieved to hear you say that because,...
That's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"

"Can people predict the future with cards?"

"My mother can."


"Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen
when my father gets home."
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