[MOL] CUTE JOKES PART 3 [00705] Medicine On Line

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A blonde and a brunette are sitting in a bar and watching the 11:00 P.M.
news. A man is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building,
contemplating suicide.  The brunette says to the blonde: "I'll bet you
$20.00 that the man jumps off that building and commits suicide."

The blonde thinks for a moment then replies: "OK, you're on!"  They
watch for a few minutes and sure enough, the man jumps off the edge. The
blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette stops her,
saying: "I can't take your money - I feel too guilty. I have to confess
that I watched the 6:00 P.M. news this evening and I knew that the man
would jump.

The blonde replied: "Oh! I watched the 6:00 P.M. news too, but I didn't
think he'd jump off again!"

I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As
clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man
through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said.  "This man just ordered our last bunch."
The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please
 have those roses?"
"What happened?"  I asked.  "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," he confided.  "I broke my wife's hard

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me
with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me...
They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me
with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me...
I must be a God!

Salesman at the door:  Is your mother at home?
 Little girl:  Yes.
 Sales man:  May I talk to her?
 Little girl:  She isn't here.
 Salesman:  But you just said, she was at home.
 Little girl:  She is.  This isn't our house.

The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books.
Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I
ain't go no crayons."

"Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any
crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any
crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm
getting at?"

"Not really," Willie said, "What happened to all them crayons?"

According to the Knight Rider News Service, the inscription on the
metal bands used by the US Department of the Interior to tag
migratory birds has been changed.

The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological
Survey, abbreviated as "Wash. Biol. Surv.", until the agency received
the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

Dear Sirs:

While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a
crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want
to tell you it was horrible.

The bands are now marked "Fish & Wildlife Service."

A woman answered the knock at her door and found a destitute
man.  He wanted to earn money by doing odd jobs, so she asked,
"Can you paint?"

"Yes," he said, "I'm a pretty good painter."

"Well, here's a gallon of green paint and a brush.  Go behind
the house and you'll see a porch that needs repainting. Be very
careful.  When you're done, I'll look it over and pay you what
it's worth."

It wasn't more than an hour before he knocked again.
"All finished!" he reported with a smile.

"Did you do a good job?" she asked.

"Yes, but lady, there's one thing I'd like to point out to
you.  That's not a Porsche back there.  That's a Mercedes!"

Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court
judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."  "That's
very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll
try to send her a few bucks myself."

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her.  I would point out something and ask what color it
was. She would tell me and always she was correct.  But it was fun for
me, so I continued.

At last, she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you
should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
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