Most people who
have a partner want to have sex again at some stage after the diagnosis and
treatment of their cancer. How they handle their return to sex will vary hugely
according to how important sex was previously in their relationship and how they
both deal with life's setbacks.
A cancer and its management often call for great reserves of strength in a
relationship.
One thing is certain: when you have been through the diagnosis of cancer and
its immediate management you'll never be the same again. Your view of your life,
your relationships, your job and your family will all change totally. Managing
all this change can be a real handful but you can use this adversity to build
your relationship. Many people have told me how they started to become more
honest with their partner; stopped putting things off that they'd wanted to do
sexually or otherwise; started to be more adult and realistic about life in
general; embarked on new interests that they'd been putting off for years; and
so on.
The diagnosis of cancer can provide a huge incentive to get down to the heart
of the matter in a relationship. This not only benefits the individuals involved
but also their children and friends, who are often greatly moved by the way they
see a life-threatening disease being handled by people they love.
As we have seen, the idea of getting back to normal may well mean a whole
rethink of your sexual life. And this might not be easy. If you find that things
aren't going well, look for help sooner rather than later. Sex therapists and
counsellors often see couples who have let matters drift, slowly getting worse,
so that by the time they seek help the relationship may be seriously damaged.
A good place to start is at your family doctor's. There might be a counsellor
in the practice. If not they will definitely know how to get access to one. Or
you could bypass your doctor, if you're too embarrassed, and go straight to
Relate or to another source of help.
