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There is no single
answer that will suit everyone, but try as many of these as you need until you
get the result you want.
- Improve communication about sex with your partner
- Try sensual massage (give/receive)
- Get a good sex book to improve your knowledge and skills
- Use fantasy more
- Share fantasies with your partner
- Encourage your partner to be more contributory in bed
- Get your partner to learn to stimulate you in the way you like
- Try sex toys
- Try games/act out fantasies
Less wetness/pain on intercourse
(for women)There are no magic answers to this either, but you could try
one or more of the following, all of which work for some women.
- Learn to fantasise more so as to increase arousal
- Guide your partner to arouse you in the best possible way
- Use a commercial lubricant (available from a chemist's shop) when having
sex
- Have some form of sexual experience every few days with your partner or
self-stimulation
- Use a vibrator or other sex toys to help with arousal
- To keep yourself supple, practice gently stretching your vaginal canal.
Ensure you are well lubricated. You can use fingers first and later maybe a
vaginal dilator or dildo. You can get a dildo from a specialist shop or
catalogue dealing with sexual aids, if you do not want to discuss it at your
health centre. Regular use of this, especially combined with self
stimulation, keeps the vagina flexible and more likely to lubricate
spontaneously. You can, of course, include your partner in all this if you
want to.
This self-help plan is useful for any woman who is
experiencing a premature menopause because of her cancer therapy, and should be
continued for life to prevent vaginal dryness and contraction and pain on
intercourse.
Infertility
Depending on your age this may or may not be a problem.
If it is an issue:
- Improve communication with your partner about it
- Talk to a cancer specialist about it before you start treatment
- See an infertility specialist -- the man's sperm may be collected and
stored before chemotherapy starts
- Get a good book and learn about the subject
- Join a self-help group
- Think about alternatives to having your own children
- Find out about counselling.
