I am a caregiver, a husband, of ; a woman who close to 4 years ago was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer. So rare that she was in a place where most every oncologist we saw for consultation misdiagnosed and never agree with other physicians as to the diagnosis and type of treatment. So, began our journey, a journey in which our way of living came to a hault. It was our wellness journey and one in which was, indeed, welcome and necessary and one in which we will proceed with even in the maintenance of present good health. It is a lifestyle that we believe was a signal, a message, that we now welcome as we find that our life, and the support we receive is Godly, goodly and filled with love with each other as well as the great gift of love from so many.
Now in that 4 years I had learned what it meant and what it means to be a caregiver. WE had been marriend for 25 years at the time, we have no children but ourselves as partners in a business and partners in marriage. Barb, my wife, is a very negative person and I am very positive. We are very different in complexity, emotions and attitudes. So, when she was diagnosed, her belief in living was very short term, my belief was very stressful and panicky, but dedicated. Barbs dedication to live came some later after she had addressed the many negative emotions and saw that there was HOPE AND A WAY to live.
I have learned this, which I wish to share with you as I am hoping that whatever I say here will be a message to all caregivers that there are many ways for us as caregivers to support our loved one, the survivor, to be determined to beat this disease of cancer in any form.
In that period I read many books, we attended support groups where we experienced the importance of these sessions as we were educated, informed about the disease of cancer, where to find monetary help, to learn the importance of 2nd opinions, to read about those books that provided us with a comprehensive educational program that started with HOPE, and to learn about the myths of cancer, that the medicatl community has been very progressive in finding many treatments to establish longevity of life, and the knowledge that was acquired about both conventional and alternative methods including stress management which was so very vital in my wifes progress to recovery and vital to me to stay calm and seek the methods of meditation and imagery that supported our road to recovery further.
I learned that the caregiver has a specific role, when our loved one is diagnosed. I learned that it is our duty and job to seek all the benefits, the wheel of wellness if you will, which encompasses very substantial basic methods to recovery. It is our role to first, overcome the negative emotions that we incur similarly as the survivor. WE also have to address and overcome the negative beliefs and attitudes of fear, anger, hatred, denial, guilt, etc. and that, I find in every case that I interviewed from other caregivers, is a benefit in which we continue to employ in our daily regimen of meditation and affirmations of spirituality and love for each other as well as ourselves. The caregivers role essentially is to learn, to be educated, to gather all the data such as: spirituality, nutrition, exercise, support, purpose for living, alternative treatments and conventional treatment, the facilities for 2nd opinions, etc.so that when the survivor overcomes his/her emotions, and the very many do at some point, they will look to the caregiver, you, for advice, for help, for HOPE, and you will be ready to suggest a wellness plan for them. You both will find a wellness plan that you will, on a daily program, see progress in the road to recovery, because you will both be ready to be determined and informed as a result of the caregivers research and ability to keep all doors open to education and knowledge.
I learned it was equally as important not to impose our will on the survivor as it places much more stress on the survivor. Now, I know that what we would hope to see from the survivor is a more determined program at first and to do what we feel would be important for them for their recovery, as we believe it is what we would do for ourselves. Since we are all different, we must be just as determined to allow the survivor to make their own choices, but at some point they will come to the caregiver for HOPE and seeking information.
I learned that the survivor looks to us, the caregivers for HOPE. Many times the caregiver is fighting their own negative feelings and in so doing the survivor sees the symptom of helplessness and hopelessness in the eyes of the one the survivor is seeking HOPE. In a case like that, the survivor feels similar helplessness and hopelessness because that is how the caregiver perceives and relates from the message in our eyes. Now, the first step is to overcome those negative beliefs, because the majority of the time, the negative beliefs are based on present fears concerning future events that are not based on fact. So those negative beliefs have to be changed. There are many books on how to do that and very effectively will indicate that HOPE has been very successfully acccomplished even in the most advanced of cancer cases.
I believe that this website, written by a great survivor and caregiver to many will help you, the caregiver who has established an all inclusive and comprehensive medical website, will allow you to , seek an educational program so that you may pass onto the survivor, your loved one, so they are able to make the choice for their own wellness plan.
God Bless and Good Luck, Marty Auslander