[MOL] Fwd: Rules of Driving in Buffalo [00504] Medicine On Line


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[MOL] Fwd: Rules of Driving in Buffalo



In a message dated 3/8/99 3:18:50 PM Eastern Standard Time, glomar@webtv.net
writes:

<<  A friend from this area now living in Texas sent this:
      
      
      Buffalo Rules of Driving
      ------------------------
      
      At a four way stop sign, wave to offer the right-of-way to other 
      cars.  If you are waved at, wave back so they can take the 
      right-of-way instead.  When they go, you go at the same time.
      >
      Left hand turns at traffic signals are to be made as soon as your 
      signal turns from yellow to red.  Up to three cars may turn on a 
      "Buffalo left."
      >
      In Amherst, the most expensive vehicle always has the
      right-of-way.  In Buffalo, the vehicle with the most rust and/or body 
      damage has the right-of-way.  In the Southtowns, the biggest truck has 
      the right-of-way.
      >
      Electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide 
      useful information.  They are only there to make Buffalo look 
      high-tech and to distract you from seeing the Amherst police cars 
      parked in the median of the Youngmann Expressway.
      >
      Italian-American drivers must always be in front of you, no matter how 
      fast you are going, or how slow they are going.  Watching two 
      Italian-American drivers compete for the point position along Hertel 
      Avenue adds to the excitement of driving in Buffalo.
      >
      Real Buffalonians have both a "summer car" and a "winter car." 
      >
      All drivers and passengers are required to bow your head and make 
      the Sign of the Cross whenever you drive by a Catholic church.  The 
      Virgin Mary will make sure that you don't get into an accident while 
      you take your eyes off the road. If you're not Catholic, well, when in 
      Rome ...
      >
      In Cheektowaga, look out for little old Polish ladies that can barely 
      see above the steering wheels of their Plymouth Reliants and Dodge 
      Aries.  They absolutely must get to the daily mass or the bingo hall, 
      and the only thing slower than their driving speed is their reflex 
      time.
      >
      If you're a volunteer fireman, it's perfectly acceptable to flash your 
      light bar to go through red lights.  After all, the keg of Genesee 
      Cream Ale down at the hall won't be there forever.
      >
      "Snow emergencies" mean that you can only drive 10 MPH above the speed 
      limit on the Kensington Expressway.  
      >
      Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.  It's a good 
      way to scare people entering the highway. 
      >
      Do not proceed through an intersection, even if you have the green 
      light, until all cars on the cross street have slid on the ice through 
      intersection.  During periods of heavy snow, wait at least 10 or 15 
      seconds after your signal turns green before proceeding.
      >
      Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and 
      apparently not enforceable in the Buffalo area during rush hour, with 
      the exception of the Village of Kenmore, where the penalty for 
      speeding is death.
      >
      Your car must be equipped with at least two of the following: a bumper 
      sticker reading "Pray the Rosary," or "97 Rock;" anything related to 
      the Bills, rosary beads hanging from the mirror, an Infant of Jesus 
      doll in the back window; a crown air freshener; an after-market vinyl 
      roof; subwoofer that can be felt in Rochester; or rust.
      >
      South Buffalo.  St. Patrick's Day.  Don't even think of driving there 
      then.
      >
      It's a Buffalo traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move 
      the instant the light changes.  If you're an Italian-American, don't 
      honk, but rather hang your head out the window of your Monte Carlo and 
      threaten the slowpoke by screaming "Yo!" at the top of your lungs.
      >
      Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you 
      pass the last exit before the traffic begins to back up.
      >
      Buy a map, and memorize the relationship between expressway names and 
      their route numbers.  Traffic reporters always use names, not route 
      numbers. Highway signs show route numbers, not names. 
      >
      Real Buffalonians don't need a four wheel drive vehicle to drive in 
      the snow.
      >
      A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many 
      people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the 
      left lane waiting for the jerks to squeeze their way back in before 
      hitting the orange construction barrels.
      >
      Save gasoline by accelerating to 10 MPH above the speed limit, then 
      decelerating to 10 MPH below.
      >
      Never take a green light at face value.  Always look right and left 
      before proceeding.
      >
      Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the 
      previously listed rules.  These weather conditions are just God's way 
      of  ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junk yards 
      and new vehicle sales.
      >
      Remember, Buffalo isn't called the "Twenty Minute City" for nothing.  
      Take advantage of that expressway system that was "built for a city of 
      two million people," and test the hypothesis whenever possible.
      >
      Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even 
      someone just changing a tire.
      >
      Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or 
      move over doesn't mean that an Italian driver flashing his high beams 
      behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
      >
      The official litter zone is an area bounded by Main Street, Amherst 
      Street, Bailey Avenue and Broadway.  Use this zone to empty your 
      ashtray, get rid of that Mighty taco bag, or discard old tires that 
      have been collecting in your garage.
      >
      Learn to swerve abruptly.  Buffalo is the home of high-speed slalom 
      driving thanks to NYSDOT, which puts potholes in key locations to test 
      drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
      >
      The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you 
      have of getting hit.
      >
      Anticipate your turn miles before the turn itself.  Turn your 
      directionals on at least a mile before you actually turn, just to be 
      extra cautious.  If you're a little old Polish lady from Cheektowaga, 
      leave your directionals on for at least ten minutes after you turn, 
      just to let other drivers know where you came from.
      >
      When driving in Canada, all rules are off.  Pass on the right, the 
      left, the shoulder, the median, wherever.  Treat metric speed limit 
      signs as if they're in English units -- everyone else does.  If you 
      can't make it to Toronto in an hour and 15 minutes, either get your 
      car or your head examined. >>


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From: Jim Illy-GIMS527 <Jim_Illy-GIMS527@email.mot.com>
Subject: Rules of Driving in Buffalo
To: glomar@webtv.net, Janiepoo60@aol.com, musolin@ix.netcom.com
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Rock On
______________________________ Forward Header
__________________________________
Subject: Rules of Driving in Buffalo
Author:  Lee Mary G11384 at PONY01D
Date:    3/3/99 8:24 AM


     
     A friend from this area now living in Texas sent this:
     
     
     Buffalo Rules of Driving
     ------------------------
     
     At a four way stop sign, wave to offer the right-of-way to other 
     cars.  If you are waved at, wave back so they can take the 
     right-of-way instead.  When they go, you go at the same time.
     >
     Left hand turns at traffic signals are to be made as soon as your 
     signal turns from yellow to red.  Up to three cars may turn on a 
     "Buffalo left."
     >
     In Amherst, the most expensive vehicle always has the
     right-of-way.  In Buffalo, the vehicle with the most rust and/or body 
     damage has the right-of-way.  In the Southtowns, the biggest truck has 
     the right-of-way.
     >
     Electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide 
     useful information.  They are only there to make Buffalo look 
     high-tech and to distract you from seeing the Amherst police cars 
     parked in the median of the Youngmann Expressway.
     >
     Italian-American drivers must always be in front of you, no matter how 
     fast you are going, or how slow they are going.  Watching two 
     Italian-American drivers compete for the point position along Hertel 
     Avenue adds to the excitement of driving in Buffalo.
     >
     Real Buffalonians have both a "summer car" and a "winter car." 
     >
     All drivers and passengers are required to bow your head and make 
     the Sign of the Cross whenever you drive by a Catholic church.  The 
     Virgin Mary will make sure that you don't get into an accident while 
     you take your eyes off the road. If you're not Catholic, well, when in 
     Rome ...
     >
     In Cheektowaga, look out for little old Polish ladies that can barely 
     see above the steering wheels of their Plymouth Reliants and Dodge 
     Aries.  They absolutely must get to the daily mass or the bingo hall, 
     and the only thing slower than their driving speed is their reflex 
     time.
     >
     If you're a volunteer fireman, it's perfectly acceptable to flash your 
     light bar to go through red lights.  After all, the keg of Genesee 
     Cream Ale down at the hall won't be there forever.
     >
     "Snow emergencies" mean that you can only drive 10 MPH above the speed 
     limit on the Kensington Expressway.  
     >
     Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.  It's a good 
     way to scare people entering the highway. 
     >
     Do not proceed through an intersection, even if you have the green 
     light, until all cars on the cross street have slid on the ice through 
     intersection.  During periods of heavy snow, wait at least 10 or 15 
     seconds after your signal turns green before proceeding.
     >
     Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and 
     apparently not enforceable in the Buffalo area during rush hour, with 
     the exception of the Village of Kenmore, where the penalty for 
     speeding is death.
     >
     Your car must be equipped with at least two of the following: a bumper 
     sticker reading "Pray the Rosary," or "97 Rock;" anything related to 
     the Bills, rosary beads hanging from the mirror, an Infant of Jesus 
     doll in the back window; a crown air freshener; an after-market vinyl 
     roof; subwoofer that can be felt in Rochester; or rust.
     >
     South Buffalo.  St. Patrick's Day.  Don't even think of driving there 
     then.
     >
     It's a Buffalo traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move 
     the instant the light changes.  If you're an Italian-American, don't 
     honk, but rather hang your head out the window of your Monte Carlo and 
     threaten the slowpoke by screaming "Yo!" at the top of your lungs.
     >
     Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you 
     pass the last exit before the traffic begins to back up.
     >
     Buy a map, and memorize the relationship between expressway names and 
     their route numbers.  Traffic reporters always use names, not route 
     numbers. Highway signs show route numbers, not names. 
     >
     Real Buffalonians don't need a four wheel drive vehicle to drive in 
     the snow.
     >
     A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many 
     people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the 
     left lane waiting for the jerks to squeeze their way back in before 
     hitting the orange construction barrels.
     >
     Save gasoline by accelerating to 10 MPH above the speed limit, then 
     decelerating to 10 MPH below.
     >
     Never take a green light at face value.  Always look right and left 
     before proceeding.
     >
     Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the 
     previously listed rules.  These weather conditions are just God's way 
     of  ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junk yards 
     and new vehicle sales.
     >
     Remember, Buffalo isn't called the "Twenty Minute City" for nothing.  
     Take advantage of that expressway system that was "built for a city of 
     two million people," and test the hypothesis whenever possible.
     >
     Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even 
     someone just changing a tire.
     >
     Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or 
     move over doesn't mean that an Italian driver flashing his high beams 
     behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
     >
     The official litter zone is an area bounded by Main Street, Amherst 
     Street, Bailey Avenue and Broadway.  Use this zone to empty your 
     ashtray, get rid of that Mighty taco bag, or discard old tires that 
     have been collecting in your garage.
     >
     Learn to swerve abruptly.  Buffalo is the home of high-speed slalom 
     driving thanks to NYSDOT, which puts potholes in key locations to test 
     drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
     >
     The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you 
     have of getting hit.
     >
     Anticipate your turn miles before the turn itself.  Turn your 
     directionals on at least a mile before you actually turn, just to be 
     extra cautious.  If you're a little old Polish lady from Cheektowaga, 
     leave your directionals on for at least ten minutes after you turn, 
     just to let other drivers know where you came from.
     >
     When driving in Canada, all rules are off.  Pass on the right, the 
     left, the shoulder, the median, wherever.  Treat metric speed limit 
     signs as if they're in English units -- everyone else does.  If you 
     can't make it to Toronto in an hour and 15 minutes, either get your 
     car or your head examined.
     >
     >>>>>>>
---- End included message ----