Re: [MOL] Martha [03084] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Martha



Title: Martha
Dear Kathy,
 
This list is a very special place to me.  I am in awe of so many people here(like you) ; of what they've been through, how they dealt with it and how they are doing now!  I am just happy and proud to be a Moler.  It's like together I feel stronger and that we are part of a very powerful source of goodness!
 
Your Buddy,
 
Martha 
-----Original Message-----
From: kcorrigan@chgw.com <kcorrigan@chgw.com>
To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
Date: Monday, February 22, 1999 3:39 PM
Subject: [MOL] Martha

Dear Martha:  Oh, my dear -- have you ever been through it!!!  Thank God you found something to help you cope.  I'm not sure I could have gone through what you have, even with medication!  I'm very proud of you and so impressed by your strength!  Love, Kathy

-----Original Message-----
From: owner-mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
[mailto:owner-mol-cancer@lists.meds.com]On Behalf Of mjt8
Sent: Sunday, February 21, 1999 5:33 AM
To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com
Cc: mjt8
Subject: Re: [MOL] Questions


Dear Cori,

I don't know.  When I was 24 I had my thyroid gland removed.  They told me
there was surgery or something I could drink, and that the drink might
effect my ability to have children, so I went for the surgery.  Afterwards,
the doc told me that the gland was precancerous, but that they had got it in
time.  I went out to Chicago to live and work.  I went to a endocrinologist
out there for follow-up.  She said to me, can you explain something to me,
one of your pathology reports says you have cancer and the other says you
don't.  Of course, I couldn't explain it to her.

Since I was 18 years old, I had a fibroadenoma in each armpit.  I went every
year for an exam, and every year the docs told me it was nothing to worry
about.  Nobody ever bothered to tell me that they were supposed to wax and
wane with my cycle; mine just stayed there.

I came back to NY in the 1980s.  The fibroadenomas had gotten bigger and I
had developed a third lump.  So I had everything taken out.  This was 1983;
I was 28.  The slides were examined by a combination of breast surgeons and
pathologists; at least 5.  Four were in NY and one from Washington
University in St. Louis.  Some of them thought I had cancer and some of them
didn't.  I remember reading reports from one of them; he wrote about seeing
questionable cells on one level and the next, nothing.  He actually put
question marks in the report after writing this.

>From 1983-90 I was treated for fibrocystic breast disease.  I had several
biopsies;  I don't remember how many--I think I blocked it out.  Anyway, the
most I got was atypical----.  In 1990, I had bloody discharge from my left
breast.  The doc said, we better do it this time, so I had a mastectomy.

All through my young womanhood, I had all this hanging over my head.  I
imagined the surgery like someone coming to disfigure me with an ax.  It was
so different from this.  But I felt it all anyway, because doctors are too
dumb to explain anything.  If anyone had said, it's more like unzipping a
zipper and taking out a bunch of tissues, (in my case, not that many
tissues), I think I probably would have still been so scared but it would
have been a lot easier.

I had seven years of good health and in 12/97 was diagnosed with a
reoccurrence of breast cancer.  I also have mets to the bone, abdomen and
lungs.  When asked by docs, on several occasions, to fill out forms about
all the medicines I take and why, when asked about antidepressants, I would
say something like "have had a fear of imminent death for about the past 20
years."

Again, I am very glad for my antidepressants; because with them, I strarted,
this year, my second year of active, give 'em heck life with breast mets.
Without them, I would spend my days, probably in bed with the covers over my
head, shaking in fear.

I am on, what they call full replacement thyroid meds, because I don't have
a thyroid gland.  I am glad they have this medicine too, because if I was
somehow thrown back in time 1000 years, I'd be out of luck.  When they
started the first reforms of psychiatric hospitals in France in--I don't
remember when--but maybe even the 1800s, some people were there only because
they had thyroid problems.  I won't get into whether anyone on the list
thinks I belong in the hospital anyway.

I am glad there are meds for people with diabetes and other treatments that
help keep it under control.  I am even glad for the discovery of antibiotics
so some colds can last one week rather than 2 or 3.

I'm sorry to have rambled on so long.  There is no difference between
chemicals proscribed for physical health and mental health, as long as they
are proscribed by a qualified physician.  I am doing pretty well and feel,
as never before, on my cancering journey, a sense of inner peace and
strength.  To that I attribute the love of my husband and son, my faith,
church and priest, the good doctors I have now, and most definitely, my
meds.  Without my antidepressants, I shudder to think of the stressful
worrying that would overcome me and the ill effects such stress would have
on my health.

I am not arguing this is for everybody, just that whatever our coping tools
have been through life, we all stand before God as equals.

Love and Hugs,

Martha


-----Original Message-----
From: Stuart Scott Harth <charth@bellsouth.net>
To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
Date: Sunday, February 21, 1999 1:13 PM
Subject: Re: [MOL] Questions


>Dear Martha:
>Somehow there must be a mis-communication somewhere...what I was referring
to
>was the fact that I've heard so much sadness, so much despair, so much
>depression and so much anger, in different patients over the past couple of
>years, and so many have the need to take chemicals to alleviate their
>symptoms...I have felt so blessed that somehow God has given me the inner
>resources not to feel desperate or depressed, and therefore have not needed
to
>rely on pills to counteract them.  I feel truly, truly blessed because of
this.
>Nowhere was it meant to imply that I disagreed with people taking pills to
help
>them. I agree with you totally that many drugs are critical to the very
survival
>of many, be it mental or physical.  I am just grateful that I have not felt
the
>need..that was all.  No offence was taken...none intended on my part
>either.Love. Cori.
>
>mjt8 wrote:
>
>> Dear Cori,
>>
>> I used to think that way too--that taking pills was a sign that one did
not
>> have the inner strength, resources, faith, etc.  My mom was a psychiatric
>> social worker and worked at one of the finest hospitals in the NY area.
I
>> remember even talking to her  about shock treatment.  I think she had
>> foolishly let me, my sister and a friend go see a movie called shock
>> treatment; it scared the heck out of me.  I would always say, ma, how
could
>> that be good for anyone?  For some reason, I never mentioned the movie;
she
>> would have laughed.  But she would always say, sometimes it's just what
>> someone needs.
>>
>> Well, getting away from the shock treatment, sometimes people need
>> antidepressants for some period of their lives for biochemical reasons.
>> Sometimes, and I suspect it's true for many on this list, they take them
>> because they live, in what could only be compared to an almost constant
>> state of post-traumatic shock.
>>
>> Sometimes, we get older and need a cane to walk up the hill towards home.
>> What's important is not how we get home to our families and loved ones
who
>> need us, it's that we get there.
>>
>> I hope you don't take offense; because none is intended.
>>
>> Love and Hugs,
>>
>> Martha
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Joicy Becker-Richards <joicy@erols.com>
>> To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
>> Date: Saturday, February 20, 1999 6:45 AM
>> Subject: Re: [MOL] Questions
>>
>> >Dear Cori, sounds like we share a lot in common, with the central thing
>> >being a strong faith. In my own cancer journey, God has managed to bless
>> >me in amazing ways, just as you mention. I look forward to some good
>> >visits ahead! Love, joicy
>> >
>> >Stuart Scott Harth wrote:
>> >>
>> >> Dear Joicy - the feeling is mutual...thanks for the kind words....I
feel
>> extremely
>> >> blessed, particularly when I read others' posts about depression and
>> sadness and
>> >> anger, because for some reason, God has truly blessed me with either
the
>> inner
>> >> resources, or the strength or the faith to travel this cancering
journey
>> without
>> >> needing pills...I can't begin to desribe to you why, nor do I attempt
to
>> analyze it -
>> >> and it's not denial - just an inner peace which keeps my spirits high
and
>> my attitude
>> >> positive.  I thank Him every day for "recharging my batteries" so to
>> speak....I love
>> >> life. I thank Him humbly for the quality of life I continue to enjoy
>> despite all the
>> >> grim medical prognosis. And I thank Him even more for blessing me with
>> the love that
>> >> surrounds me wherever I turn - I know He lead me to the molers too -
you
>> are all such
>> >> beautiful people and newbie that I am,  I feel blessed to be a part of
>> this
>> >> wonderful  group....Love. Cori.
>> >>
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