Re: [MOL] Questions [02537] Medicine On Line


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Re: [MOL] Questions



I don't know, Cori.  All things about life are really a journey, as everyone
says, of exploration and discovery.  To be honest, and I hope noone thinks
any less of me, by the time I posted, I had already sent the letter.
At first, I did feel kind of dumb, but after a time, I felt I had done the
right thing.  I was, and still am to some degree, one of those people who
takes too much of a cue regarding what her self-concept should be from the
way she's treated by others around her.  Not saying anything if someone hurt
my feelings, ate me up inside.
So, in that way, what I did was really healthy for me.   I let go of my
anger and am now, in that way, free of it.  Now, all I feel is a little sad
the way some people "turn out" when they become adults.  Also, I have the
understanding from talking to you guys about it all, that my reaction to my
friend Clay's lack of attention, was magnified by the connection of his
family and mine, and that in some ways, what I was really feeling bad about
was the loss of my mother and sister.

Thanks, everyone for talking about all this with me.  I guess everything is
really different, depending on the situation, and everybody must find the
way that is best for them in dealing with these matters.  Even then, have we
found it; do we know?  All seems ever changing.

lots of love,

Martha
-----Original Message-----
From: Stuart Scott Harth <charth@bellsouth.net>
To: mol-cancer@lists.meds.com <mol-cancer@lists.meds.com>
Date: Saturday, February 20, 1999 3:11 PM
Subject: Re: [MOL] Questions


>Dear Martha -- you asked "what do you think"...my new moler friend, I think
that
>maybe a little note of apology would be in order...maybe it made you feel
better
>just letting off steam, but inside you I have a feeling there's a niggle of
>doubt that what you did was probably not too kind...even if deserved.  I
have a
>feeling it will eat at you inside every so often when you think of it...my
>advice...drop him a couple of lines and say you are sorry and wish things
could
>be different between your families...it's never too late.  Love. Cori.
>
>mjt8 wrote:
>
>> Dear Molers,
>>
>> Hi.  I wanted to ask you guys something.  I wrote a letter today to an
old
>> friend.  I guess not a friend anymore.  We grew up in the same town on
Long
>> Island.  His sister and my sister were best friends until my sister died
in
>> a car accident in 1974.  She was 21.
>> I knew his parents; they knew my parents.  Anyway, for a time I hung out
>> with him and his brother.  They had a wonderful big old house, full of
odd
>> shaped rooms at closets; it was like a victorian novel, only written in
>> America.
>> The father's sister had married a famous painter--they lived out on Long
>> Island, in East Hampton.  He had, and has, pictures in the Modern Museum
in
>> NYC, etc.  My friend wanted to be a painter.  His aunt, of course, tried
to
>> bring him out to the Hamptons to hang out.  My impression was that this
>> painter was neither talkative nor
>> emotive.
>> My husband and I have lived in this area for about 10 years.  I guess
about
>> 5 years ago, my dad got a call from someone in the family that my friend
>> Clay's dad had a heart attack, but was OK and home.  So I drove out to my
>> old home town to see him, talk over old times give him a hug and wish him
>> well.  Of course, he told me about the boys and how Clay was living about
30
>> miles north of where I had been living.  I called; he never called back
and
>> I never pursued it.
>> Now since we moved, Clay and his wife are living, maybe 5 miles down the
>> road.  I called up and said hi.  I haven't heard from him for about a
month.
>> So I wrote this letter.
>> In the letter I told him, how he sounded so swollen up with himself over
the
>> phone that I couldn't believe it.  I said how my family all regarded his
>> family as a nice family, but we always felt there was something missing
in
>> the kids, which was hearts.  Finally, for my big finish--Clay had a show
at
>> a local library.  I wrote that from the pictures in the local paper about
>> his show, from which, admittedly, one might not be able to tell too much,
he
>> really stunk it up.
>> My question is why do I do these things?  My husband always tells me I
talk
>> too much, but since I have cancer; it seems I'm worse than ever.  I never
>> want to shut up.  I always want to tell everyone just what I think, good
or
>> bad, if they've hurt me or made me feel good, but always what I truly
feel,
>> honestly in my heart.
>>
>> What do you think?
>>
>> Love,
>>
>> Martha
>>
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>
>
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